Friday, December 8, 2006

indestructibly awesome or whiny little bitch?

whiny little bitch or indestructibly awesome?

whiny little bitch pro: sparkling white hoody, enjoys talking about relationships with close girlfriends, wonders about being a whiny little bitch.

indestructibly awesome pro: sparkling white hoody, finds said relationships incredibly humourous, acknowledges wondering about being a whiny little bitch.

so i wanted to send a reassuring text message... "aint no shame in your game, girl. chin up like you dont give a fuck." a bit much i think. perhaps the message will get through anyway, but through wires instead of airwaves.

ps. this is the most intimate blog you will ever read... probably. unless andre tells me we shouldnt see eachother anymore... in which case i will laugh and write a similar blog. heres to fun times and overcompensating.

pps. doing my best not to sound riduclous, humor is my commentary on the human condition. its funny. really really funny. and silly. and funny. i got that way by experiencing and investigating a lot of it. humility requires acknowledging how powerless we are against the human condition, and thus how ridiculous it is to think we can evoke permanence. we are but mortal men! and my critique of all the douchebags who think ridiculous and often chemically induced moments of their life are somehow profound or cosmically important is to laugh. and apparantly do this. irreconcilable? i sure hope so.

maybe i just really deeply and cosmically dont give a fuck about proving i give a fuck. because i see how humorous it is taking yourself so seriously. so with as much profundity a mere mortal can muster, from the bottom of my silly childish heart...

go fuck yourself.

ok on second thought i think i was wrong about most of this blog. the answer is definetly whiny little bitch. now what?

Monday, November 20, 2006


whodunnit in lebnan?! gemayal got got! im no fan of phalangists, but im no fan of cowardice either. assassins, claim credit or die!

oh and sadr city, get bent. muqtada, go kill yourself. or die!

hezbollah, go eat yourselves. you are welcome to fight zionists all you like, but if you try to govern lebnan, then you can suck it. and die!

ok im going to go bake cookies.


Saturday, November 18, 2006


ha. gotcha. i just linked you to my next blog entry... why? because i wanted to illustrate a point. not a good point... but a point nonetheless. (non. the... les? les nonthe. thats not even a word but ill bet some of you think it is. well it isnt. youre an idiot.)

i wanted to illustrate the point that even though youve now read my blog entry entitled "gotcha", myspace blog subscription shits will not say you have. why? because myspace sucks. and so do the programmers. thats probably the reason open source programs are cooler... because bored idiots like me can realize a little flaw at 3 am and then read through 9328509158 lines of code for no reason other than intrinsic motivation and only get up 4 or 5 times to eat and defacate.

so surrender some property rights for some other rights. like the right to make shit better.

so earlier i watched colbert talk about the google youtube thing and talked about copyrights. i couldnt help but wander into a world of morality concerning intellectual property rights. then i almost started talking about it, until i realized that no one likes to hear me talk except me. because i only care about myself. so fuck you.

narrow mind? yes. open mind? probably. unless im pooping, in which case id like to be alone. unless im extremely comfortable around you in which case youre probably andre and have no interest in watching me poop.

ok id like to be alone now.



im eating a warm bowl of... (ok can you guess what im going to say? can you? can you guess? do it. guess. ok want the answer? ok well what im eating is...)

Saturday, October 28, 2006


so jaime got this ridiculous note on her door.

anyone want a bunny? its like your in heven when you pat him.


Wednesday, October 25, 2006


andre weldy is the stupidest person ever.


man the word is a WORD. STUPIOD.; ANDRE WRELDY IS FUCKING STUPOID. FUCKJOJIR#R!@& #@R!( #!@()< !< @#

ill be on the floor of the bathroom crying if you need me.


Thursday, October 19, 2006


or perhaps god doesnt speak at all, but only exists. it seems the ancients had a habit of personifying the inert, and it makes plenty of sense to assume they personified the truth, inculding its universal language of mathematics, as our wrathful-turned-friendly old bearded fellow. religious texts seem to make more sense when reading them with that in mind.

after all, what brings greater salvation than knowledge of the truth? inversely, what will more certainly lead to our demise than the denial of our subservience to the fundamental laws of cause and effect? surely a man will die if he expects to have his food whilst denying that food must be harvested or hunted. what better way to weaken a man than to convince him that 2+2=5. what better way to vanquish a foe in battle than to convince him that he need not concern himself with training and logistics, for god surely favors his victory (ironically, were this gullible foe to venerate the true nature of god, the laws of cause and effect, he would not be so easily subjugated to the man who readily submits to these laws, and studies them).

beginning with the acknowledgement of one's self, "i think, therefore i am", we understand that there is existence. we can further deduce that given our finite existence, there is nonexistence. thus we have existence and nonexistance, 0 and 1. binary! given that there can be multiple instances of existence, we begin counting to infinity. one instance of existence is 1, while 2 is 2, 2 instances of 2 existences is 4, and 4 of 4 is 16. thus without any sensory experience whatsoever, a priori, we have math.

moreover, by the knowledge that 2+2 can not = 5, we know that there can be no contradictions in reality. things either exist, or do not exist. at the most fundamental level, reality is composed of existence and nonexistence, and each instance of existence is either reflected in reality, or not. it is either true or false. and just as 2+2 can not = both 4 and 5, no two instances of reality can contradict eachother. contradictions can not both be true. there can be no contradictions in reality. by this, we have the transitive, commutative, etc. properties. thus without any sensory experience whatsoever, a priori, we have logic.

be wary the relativists that will tell you value can exist independent of the laws of existence. be wary those that will tell you contradictions can exist in morality, as it exists outside reality. existence is reality, and vice versa. all their long speeches will come to a simple contradiction, that it is true there is no truth, or that it is true that there is no true or false, or that it is right that there is not right and wrong. i find people who corrupt or outright deny the simple beauty of truth are not those who really disagree with it so much as personally dislike it. thieves and cowards, tyrants and failures.

applying logic to values gives us the right values, just as applying math to physics gives us the right equations. consider defining life. life: that which seeks to act to sustain and promulgate itself. lets consider possible contradictions... can life do the opposite? can a man commit suicide? of course, but is a man who committed suicide alive? removing the temporal aspect, consider that any life which does not act to sustain itself inevitably dies. perhaps someone force feeds a man who has decided to starve himself. he will remain alive, but whos will animates him? his own? or the life of another? we are flesh and bones, animated. our will animates us. and our will only exists so long as it seeks to sustain and promulgate itself. what has no will, what does not seek to sustain and promulgate itself, its form and its genes, inevitably dies. what has no will, what does not seek to sustain and promulgate itself, is not alive.

value is a relative concept. it exists as an evaluation of the truth that some means will accomplish some end. if i want to eat cake, a fork becomes valuable. if i want to destroy, a nuke is valuable. if i want to communicate, my phone and my computer are valuable. given that we are alive, then what is valuable to us? well what is our ends? by definition, it is to sustain and promulgate ourselves, and so that which is valuable is that which best accomplishes this end. thus without any sensory experience whatsoever, a priori, we have value, morality, and ethics.

this is life. and what are we but beauty incarnate? reflections of the glory that these simple building blocks can create, the knowledge of all ascertainable without a single sensory experience. god did create man in his own image, as he did all life, for each of us is a testament and thus a reflection of truth and its glory. the causal relationships that make our hearts beat. we can in no wise stray from the glory without surrendering the will and animation it has given us, for we will surely perish if we deny that we exist within its constraints. it is only a matter of time.

if faith is knowing or believing something without having experienced it, then what better to have faith in than that which can be deduced logically and reasonably? surely the hypocritical faiths of fools, waiting for their bread to rain from the skies, or jesus to return and rectify their lies, is not as beautiful as a faith that adheres to the same rules that give rise to both its own and our existence.

so piss on the beards of those mullahs that will tell their children to mindlessly memorize the lines of the qoran, while foaming at the mouth at the chance to become the tyrants they denounce, praising those that willingly end the gifts that truth has given them so that they may destory the like gifts of others. shit on the robes of the priests that lead their flocks of sheep in mindless rituals of alternatately standing, then sitting, then standing again, while their molestations will allow those that would govern us to play victim to his voters (ahem, foley). spit on the tefillin of the zionists that wear the "words of god" into war, whilst murdering innocents and stealing their homes.

the most innocent among them have misinterpreted the metephors in the mythology of their own cultures. the tyrants among them have knowingly used the ignorance of the former in subjugating them into cannon fodder for exact opposite that true faith necessitates, just as the warlord will convince his enemy of gods partiality. the true worship of god lies in admiring the underlying truth that gives rise to the multitudes of stars, or the underlying order that controls every breaking wave. not in the reverence of these tyrants among men. they corrupt the name of all they profess.

and so what of their lies can not be cleansed with reason and rationality will be cleansed in fire and blood.

wait, what?

Wednesday, October 18, 2006


im going to go see supersystem (mp3s on my profile) friday night (10/20) at the black cat (dc). i think maybe perhaps it will be paul hiatt's return debut expose (it will be a silent viewing). whos coming with me (chris/chris adell/christopher/christopher adell/ashkan/ashkan adell/kan/smashkan/smash/smasher/smashy/ashy/$mashkan/$/revenant/go fuck yourself)?

pauls home! woohoo. and he is coming. ok screw you guys im going to go blow my nose.

Tuesday, October 17, 2006

letters to the editor. (ahmadinejad's letter to the president.),11581,845725,00.html (bin laden's letter to america.),,946805,00.html (saddam's letter to iraq.)

(my letter to you...)

As much as I love Craigslist, was it ever in the.
In the game, the player takes the role of an operative for the government of a nation known as the Great State, an extreme version of our own country's current political climate. It is even rumored that some Zombies are evolving into a tougher breed of living dead known as Ghouls. This month's issue, not unfittingly, is a detailed anatomy of RPG mechanics themselves.
It is even rumored that some Zombies are evolving into a tougher breed of living dead known as Ghouls.
Thanks to everyone for all their help making our site what it is today.
Magic frightened Demetrius.
In Grey World, you will find both.
Learn Combat Conditioning, Strength training, Muscle Gain, Extreme flexibility, and Magnetic Mind Power from the real fitness training and conditioning expert. The game is played with dice. Hex uses a minimum number of random tables to keep the game accessible and fast.
Roll the dice, make a choice. Many games have made this transition. You can design your own guns, cars are free form, and a number of optional rules are provided. As much as I love Craigslist, was it ever in the. Balance the loss of Health and Endurance to gain XP. I chose to use a simplified version of my BLYSS system for this RPG, and if I do say so myself it's worked out rather nicely. Now, the town exists in three different worlds at once: Our World, Grey World, and Dark World.
Almost any action your Mob can do, you roll for.
Battle giant rats, skeletons, vampires, hellhounds and even a dragon to save your home town!
Each Mob is unique and individual, with a separate card for each Mob. After crashing to Earth, the UFO is transported away by sneaky FBI agents.
While a select few live in prosperity and security, the majority of Anakron's citizens, the Dregs, live in squalor and violence.
A timer such as a stopwatch or hourglass is also needed to play. Magic frightened Demetrius. Battle giant rats, skeletons, vampires, hellhounds and even a dragon to save your home town! A bunch of happy-go-lucky Alien Hominids are joyriding through earth's atmosphere.
It has brought to the fray the idea that video games and fitness don't have to be mutually exclusive. Set in the current modern world, only the few players know there are things beyond the easy sight of Man, and because they know about it are hunted and hunt the self-same creatures.
Suddenly I was daunted!
You're the Alien Hominids in a battle for your extra-terrestrial freedom!
Almost any action your Mob can do, you roll for.
com lays out a few really good reasons hotels, particularly those who cater to business travelers, should offer Wi-Fi free of charge. Why did your familiar agree to join you?
Can you save your home from this hex? Now, the town exists in three different worlds at once: Our World, Grey World, and Dark World.

Saturday, September 16, 2006

sunny day.

(the knife - you make me like charity)

you know that feeling you get when its completely sunny and awesome out and life is perfect and you stare at a bunch of old wise trees and you get hypnotised by the leaves making waves with the wind and everything falls completely silent like youre under water and nothing matters but staying silent?... ... ... yeah me neither.


peace talks in sri lanka

(more than a second when reading the newspaper)

un in lebanon

(i felt the war)

(i felt her exposed position)

khatamis visit to the us... hey look its uva. im off to the right on my bike.

(i saw myself in the picture and i)

unity government in palestine

(i took a cab there to hold her i took a plane there to feel what she felt)

failed plots on oil fields in yemen and the embassy in syria

(you make me like charity)

(instead of paying enough taxes)

oh and me. but theres no pictures for that. wow. what a. night.


i am content.


people like pictures...








sri lanka

ivory coast



Wednesday, August 9, 2006


to be read as an internal monologue from the perspective of an escape artist. an escape artist listening to the knife - like a pen.


the (great) war, the scorched earth, the defeat, the exile (al nakba), the reparation, the return, the reckoning (the wrecking), the realization, the vengeance, the reconciliation, the deliverance, the accession (the escape), the entrenchment (the abandonment), the reflection (the peace of the ignorant), the restitution (the peace of the brave), the disillusionment, the retribution...

i am surrounded on all sides! ive rebuilt and my tower now stands but one phase from surpassing the towers of eras past...

but these foundations are still weak. i am still surrounded. the angry masses are pouring in, baying for my blood.

one sits apart. ive seen them before. a friend? not a friend? then who?

eye on the crowd! finish this tower! FINISH THIS TOWER! surpass the past! SUPRPASS! the plans are ready! BUILD IT!

but these foundations are so weathered. they are too weak! the completion is too dangerous! will it stand (above the others)? or will it collapse (on the heads of the masses, whilst i escape)?

i am uncertain. i am staying in this (sinking?) ship. i am on the top floor of this skyscraper, contemplating how to build the pinnacle while staring across the sea of rubble that surrounds it.

i can see the bombed out skeletons of towers past.

i can see the uncertain foundations. i can see the pinnacle crushing the structure under its weight. i can see a sea of coffins amidst the rubble...

but i can feel victory... i wonder...


this blog is the result of playing an intense game of simtower. go fuck yourself.

nova circle diapora... clay, bashir -> malaysia. paul hiatt -> ireland, europe. andre, bren -> russia, siberia, mongolia, china.

me... cville -> dc -> cville -> ny -> cville -> la (tomorrow) -> cville -> rva -> cville.


-> tower (collapsed/surpassing).

friend or foe? neither or i dont know, but a weakness in the foundations indeed. (hit and retreat) an ally for weeks, now a fading passerby. thank you for friendship in times of blood and war. thank you and goodbye.


Sunday, July 16, 2006


dude i just read the best blog ever.

(its my cousin in afghanistan.)

ok sooo i think were having a libby+ashkan+samwilson birthday bash + going away party for andre and brendans trans siberian trip. the date is tentatively friday, july 28. can everyone come then? let me knowww!


Thursday, July 6, 2006


so i went to philly on july 4th. when i woke up july 5th i found these.

theres more pictures from philly on reinas blog... zing!

yeh so im not sure what to think. im honestly a little worried... do you think i should tell sam? what if he moves out? what if he should move out? maybe hes not safe... i hope hes going to be ok living with me this whole year...


Sunday, June 25, 2006


(im adding this as an edit later... i think all the links and pictures for this blog are broken so yeh... it used to make more sense.)

lets see how the israelis retaliate. they prefer to drop bombs from the sky with full knowledge that the cost of their cowardice is innocent civilians. (some women and children, sometimes whole families.)


the attack was carried out by islamists... as far as im concerned, islamists are just as bad as zionists, two sides of the same coin... a fucked up ideology whos final answer (in the absence of reason) is always god and guns.

"To force a man to drop his own mind and to accept your will as a substitute, with a gun in place of a syllogism, with terror in place of proof and death as the final argument--is to attempt to exist in defiance of reality." -aimee and rand

but in this particular case the islamists have definetly won a (tiny) bit of my respect. (i cant believe i just said that.) it certainly wouldve been easier bomb civilians and murder innocents, but instead they tunneled to an army post and faced armed israelis.

now thats how you wage noble guerilla warfare. (im sure theyll be back to suicide bombing soon enough.)

and for the little kids that walked palestinian beaches for the first time when the israelis withdrew... hats off.

rot in hell you zionist fucks.


you kids keep throwin those rocks and defending your homes.

dude that guy with the white belt and nice jeans? clearly the most fashionable fatah fighter ever. <333

oh and hey remember that cat i made friends with at beach week? heresss MIKEY!

oh and i added some the knife songs on my profile music selection. go get! yeh so sweet party on saturday. thanks for coming and inaugurating my bar. im still hung over, but the tavern pancakes/bacon/cbh/fries/sausage is definetly helping...

...helping me poop a lot.

so im adding this later because im probably going insane. im fair to moderately certain its the apocalypse. its been raining for days. all the street lights are flickering orange. me and sam are talking in the dimly lit living room and there are beer cans and empty liquor bottles everywhere.

i tell him about the dream i recently had where the government knew i was a threat and came for me. they took me to some lavish conference room with cameras everywhere and locked me in. the king of jordan wanted to talk to me but in the meantime some gaurd came in and said i could talk to adrienne. i asked him honestly if i was going to survive and he said no. the plan was to kill me afterwards. i put out a distress signal with adrienne covering the cameras and within minutes the ghosts started shooting the place up and i managed to escape. it was wierd.

back to the living room... so for a couple minutes i couldnt see through the rain all over the windows. it got really quiet and there was only that orange glow... and me and sam... i was sure they were coming.

sam walks out to go get his laundry and returns with a clear sense of urgency. he motions for me to keep quiet and come outside. i get up and walk with him. this is it. the moment where i fulfill my destiny and start my eternal battle with the government...

sam stops and ducks behind a car and points...


...theres a gang of about 4 or 5 street cats hanging out. i desperately want to make friends with them. by the time i move out of this house i will be friends with them.

its totally the apocalypse.


Tuesday, May 23, 2006


wooooooooooo! that was an intense couple weeks...

so i went to myrtle beach for uva beach week and got my groove on a whole lot. theres pictures floating around on facebook i think... yeh it still blows my mind that the entire graduating class takes over a mile long strip of myrtle beach. it kind of looks like some sort of mtv spring break thing... we stayed in a fucking sweet apartment overlooking the beach and pool and hot tub and like a block from all the delicious resturants and stuff. the whole group of friends we went with was about 30 people, (6 cars!) but we were split up into two apartments and us high rollers who didnt mind paying more were in a fucking sweetass apartment with just 10 people. (it was big.) oh and i have a kitten beach towel that i always wore as a cape and i met this stray cat named mikey that lived on the beach who reminded me a lot of lenin and he followed me everywhere... so yeh, when i walked around i wore a kitten cape and had a kitten following me around... people probably thought i was either awesome or creepy. i lean towards creepy. thats not mentioning my spongebob sunglasses. anyway yeh... heres a daily schedule.

wake up, eat a lot, go to the beach with delicious drinks, swim a lot (beach/hot tub/pool in no particular order), walk around and say hi to all the uva people, build a sand castle, eat big dinner, give leftovers to mikey, defend sand castle from waves, shower, drink a lot/go to spanish galleon (hip dance club filled with uva)/drink a lot, dance my face off, return home and smoke a lot on the porch, sleep, repeat.

i actually got pretty sad (and really wasted) on the last night... it sorta hit me that my whole class was graduating... (paul hiatt? good riddance.) yeh but seriously folks... i love you. i suppose pretty much everyone will still be in cville... and the majority of my 06 friends are living with me anyway... (oh man... me/sam/libby/adrienne=best house ever!) but yeh... still... i want to see them around campus! and like... all the acquainances will pretty much disappear... sigh...

but yeh the car ride up from beach week i had the wierdest catharsis via music ever and thought about how i was excited for the new houses in cville and nova and graduating myself in a semester and stuff and kinda got all nostalgically happy cuz my life is pretty much always fun, so i can either be constantly miserable cuz every awesome moment gone is like... gone or whatever... but if i just think about the up and coming i get all giddy again. its been like that for awhile... damn son. im going to be furious when i die.

in case youre interested in my musical sob story... (mgmt - kids, saves the day - firefly/banned from the back porch, damien marley - welcome to jamrock, interpol - evil/take you on a cruise, death cab - information travels faster...) yeh. and check out the legion of doom - devil in a blue dress/at a funeral for a friend... its pretty awesome.

ok yeh so then came graduation. in just on 24 hour period, i went from myrtle to grad parties at uva (in cville) to grad party in nova to graduation at uva and back to nova. travelling up and down the east coast for celebrations abound? real good.

for now my summer has finally calmed down a little and im back in nova til june 10th when classes start and i move... im hanging out at my new house and playing a shitload of tennis. (andre still cant beat me... ha! faggot.)

ok so im picking furniture and shittt which was actually the purpose of this blog but i got sidetracked. get it? sidetracked?... ... ... ok i dont get it. anyway yeh! so i need help! heres the links...

heres the beds im choosing between.

bop! (this straight up looks better, but doesnt quite go with my other stuff...)

boop! (this totally matches everything and im definetly getting the dresser in the back of this picture... zonk!)

ok nowww... end tables and coffee table!

womp! and zomp! (id get them both in frosted glass... these are better quality but dont totally match the rest... though they would probably go better with the first of the two beds.)

or doink! (way cheaper and match the desk and bookshelf... bing! and ping!)

ok so yeh... help me out! which bed, and which tables? i think im leaning towards matching and cheaper... but yeh... if you have some random better recommendations, give em.

hey so if i graduate christmas, will i be 06? wahtever. congradulationonsioninsoinss 06. you suck.


Sunday, April 30, 2006


i have a really difficult time showing all the silly feminists i talk to that almost all the difference in wages between men and women is from maternity issues and not discrimination. (that and the international ceos and politicians against women conference at the no girls allowed treehouse, hosted by walmart.) now i can just point them to this! weee!

so i hear most college students are women these days. (60 something % i think.) i think discrimination based on sex is disgusting. i demand colleges respect my equal rights and set a 50% quota for men in higher education, so that men will have a chance. this glass cieling has got to go! end discrimination!

(citing statistical differences as proof of discrimination sounds silly, right? yeh... thats because it is.)


Monday, April 17, 2006

dying wage!

i spent like 5 hours last night writing this so id be super appreciative if you read it. i distributed these in big bunches at the living wage sites today. celebration kareoke tomorrow! woowoo!!

for fun, ive included my absolute favoritest quote from the living wagers economic argument. in response to the argument that price floors create surplus labor...

"What about the surplus labor then? Basic economics teaches that markets naturally adjust themselves to shifts in supply and demand to reach new points of equilibrium. At least in theory, other Charlottesville employers will increase their wages to attract the surplus workers, and eventually the market clearing wage will equal the UVA living wage."

lets think about this intuitively... if youre selling a good and you have more than is being sold, you need to LOWER the price to sell it all, right? the same is true for labor. if there is more labor than is being bought (surplus labor,) labors price will be bid LOWER until all laborors are hired.

the living wage "economics" is saying that when the living wage creates surplus labor, other companies will RAISE their wages to attract the new workers? these people are seriously nuts. when there is surplus labor, wages will have to go LOWER to clear the market! (explodes.)

for more ridiculously hilarious economic reasoning, check out...

silly living wagers... (respect for courage facing agents of the state though.)


Tuesday, April 11, 2006


so this used to be my 15 page policy paper on iraq, buttt my policy prescription just got a lot shorter. i just changed the date and moved this one forward because i realized having over 3 posts titled iraq is ummm... awesome? sigh...


adel abdul mahdi, youve got my vote. (but now that i know you... what the hell are you doing in the sciri?)

step aside al-jaafari, make room for some competence.


Tuesday, April 4, 2006


pop quiz! anyone who can get the right answer wins a popsicle, even if someone already got it. so if someone wins, copy and paste it and youre pretty much guaranteed a popsicle!

so who are the fighters in my extended network picture? GO!


Monday, March 27, 2006


hey so apparantly theres a squirrel who likes crunk. everytime i play trillville he sits on my window sill right by the speaker and eats nuts or whatever squirrels do. im trying to get him to diversify by mixing it up with sugar in the marmalade, but it doesnt seem to be working... he usually leaves until i play some crunk again.

so israeli elections are tomorrow. my votes for balad, but for practicalities sake im rooting for kadima. anything to keep netenyahu out of power and derail prophecy. i hope i hope i hope the right doesnt get their 61 threshold to block a more peaceful coalition... but if my predictions are right, the peace liking types are fucked.

best party ever i think... if you came, thanks for coming... i desperately want to do that again. was that the biggest party of the year? i measure these things in kegs and 2 kegs and a gin bucket got kicked like halfway through the night, though to be fair one of the two was a pony keg... it was up there... adrian and han pretty much got in a fight, after which clay and han almost got in a fight. (i shouldnt have played crunk shit.) andre bet sam and brendan money to do naughty things. (they failed but it sounds funny.) my room has footprints on the ceiling. (?!) some drunk guy with a prosthetic claw passed out in the alleyway on the side of my house. (we named him the claw.) and yeh... i think thats about the extent of my memory but wow. i need speakers for the next party cuz the dance parties in my room are getting destructive. im all sad cuz my whole week was leading up to that and now i feel aimless and lost... maybe i should just start planning another immediately? hellll yeah.


Saturday, March 25, 2006


Today: Considerable cloudiness with occasional rain showers. High 47F. Winds N at 5 to 10 mph. Chance of rain 60%.

Tonight: Showers ending early, then party cloudy overnight. Low 34F. Winds light and variable. Chance of rain 40%.

Tomorrow: Intervals of clouds and sunshine in the morning with more clouds for later in the day. High 53F. Winds NNW at 5 to 10 mph.

Tomorrow night: Clear to partly cloudy. Low 34F. Winds light and variable.

Monday: Sunshine. Highs in the low 60s and lows in the low 40s.

Tuesday: Few showers. Highs in the low 60s and lows in the mid 40s.

Wednesday: Sunshine. Highs in the mid 60s and lows in the low 40s.


Thursday, March 16, 2006


cryptic writing one...

and so justice is certainly flawed.

if there can be no peace without justice... then the human condition... a state of constant war? hrmph.

only a ghost can know ghosts... and so by being a ghost to others, so i shall certainly have my own.

but the war is within this realm, and my purpose precedes me.

constant vigilance is always the price.

but the price is too high. surely this is an unstable equilibrium.

i should like to leave this place... in favor of a world without ghosts...

no ghosts necessary. the pursuit of her elusive justice is a trivial affair. the just need not be characterized by their ability to make war, but by their ability to make peace. her cloak is sufficient to protect us all. her torch's light precludes the blaze of the barrel. here i can rest. to libertatia my heart. perhaps only attainable in death.

liberty my liege. peace my petition.

justice my blade. truth my submission.

though these cloaks weigh on me, they are devoid of incisions.

though this armor is heavy, those without inhabit a prison.

cryptic writing two...

wayward father, take no more vengeance in my name! protect me from injustice as i protect you, but take no justice from my hands. if i am the bearer, then i shall be the giver. only my blade bears my name, and my blade never tarries from my hands.

when i die, we shall meet. when we meet, i will understand. should the truth be anything but this, my blade will bear his name and seek your blood. he died as my brother died. he died as my brother.

i will face slaughter at your hands rather than submit to your rule. you are an unjust god. corrupt not my watchword. corrupt not my name. my name is not yours. all is yours, save my name. my name is not yours!

Monday, February 27, 2006


lenin is FUCKING INSANE. so in case you dont already know the stories... my cat does whatever the fuck he wants whenever the fuck he wants.

i had him when he was born in northern virginia. when he was a kitten, he used to like to get in the car with me and sit in the passenger seat... i brought him with me to school in cville last year... so ever since he was about 2 months old, hes been living the college life. (learnin and shit.)

last year at 227 14th, i always left the window cracked so he went in and out whenever he wanted. he pretty much always made a point of being home around 1 or 2 when wed go to bed together and cuddle. (im not gay, youre gay.) if he wasnt home, i would go outside and whistle for him and if he was within hearing range, hed come running. hes really social and pretty muchhh makes friends with everybodies. last year when james and alex were my neighbors, he would follow me over to their houses and sometimes hed go over there to say hello while i was in classes. he got a girlfriend across the street at 214 14th, and made love with her often. one time he got in a fight and cut his leg. i took him to the vet and gave him meddicines. that cats probably deader than dead now. lenin owns the streets and lenins friends probably killed that cat or whatever the hell it was. lenin used to go to parties and stuff too... like i think maybe it was james? but yeh... someone was showing me pictures of lenin at a party somewhere id never been with people i didnt know some weekend when i had gone to nova.

anyway yeh... so this year, my house doesnt allow pets, but i gave some trial periodness to see if i could cheat... but in that trial period, lenin made super good friends with his neice, little che. she was a tiny tiny like... one month old kitten whos siblings didnt make it, so she was all alone. after she was old enough, my parents gave her mom away (grrr.) and she followed lenin EVERYWHERE. they were pretty much inseperable. lenin adopted her and trained her in ideology and guerilla tactics and stuff and she became his protege... after that... i didnt want to take lenin away again so i left him in nova since like august.

so yeh... lenin. whackiest most interestingest cat ever. ive conjured up a million plans to figure out what the hell his life is like... cuz yeh... he spends his time doing cool shit like fighting wars (and winning... with my support anyway), screwin hos (though ive heard hes a gentle lover), going to parties (that i dont even know about), and raising little che.

in cville, i always kept his collar on him with my phone number in case he got into too much trouble. in nova though, theres not much to get in trouble with and stuff... so no collar. in nova, i wasnt there so he would wander for a couple days at a time and come back. early novemeber though, he stopped coming back. typically, che would go with him... and used to disappear for a couple days at a time as well. che probably knew where lenin was and visited him. but yeh. THREE MONTHS of no lenin. so anyway... this weekend, i went to nova to pick up jen and hung out there thursday night. my dad says that he thought he saw lenin looking around friday night, after i had left. so then he disappeared again for a couple days. then i dropped jen off in nova and helped my parents move some stuff and while im loading stuff in the cars, guess who comes running up to me? LENIN. motherfucker.

that cat is fucking nuts. WHERE THE HELL HAS HE BEEN FOR THE PASST THRREEE MONTHS?! wtf and a half. dude. yeh. i mean he does crazy shit daily ive never fully figured out, but this... this is absolutely insane. how did he happen to come back twice when i was around? did he know i was there? did he know we were moving? cuz if he hadnt showed up, were finishing moving in like a week. has he been with people? other cats? has che been with him? did che know where he was? anyway yeh. im trying to teach him english so he can tell me all this stuff... but its not working. god lenin is so fucking crazy. fighting, fathering, partying, and this. coolest slash wierdest cat ever.



Wednesday, February 15, 2006


hey so 2 sweetass shows in cville soon... wendsday march 1, of montreal, and then saturday march 4, mogwai. both at the satellite ballroom which is literally my neighborrr. so yeh, theres quite a contigent of outta towners coming for mogwai already so i think its a de facto afterparty at my house. kegs and dancing and such. let me know if you can come.

oh and hey! saturday, march 25th my roomates putting together basically a uva indie fest. that should be pretty awesome too. ok im going to go eat some bread and butter. ttyl! (what the hell?)


Monday, February 6, 2006



THE hell...

whatever. i cant believe muslims talk about makeup. total fags. i on the other hand have never even heard of maybelline. i dont even know what makeup is. THATS how straight i am.

word son... word.


Thursday, February 2, 2006


here is the text of all the crap i wrote in 2002 using a bunch of random predictions. i can show you the date the file was made and stuff if youd like... but hopefully you just believe me. i honestly think its kind of silly but whatever... lets see what becomes of all this.

nuke in jeruselem september 13 2006 (from libyan artillery on pisgah mountains?) leads to ww3
death of prime minister (israeli? sharon? leads to netenyahu?) leads to ww3

ww3 invasion from syria by combined armies (arabs? persians?)
retaliation from air base at mount megiddo or harmegiddo (by combined armies?) (by missile?) (isael and west?)

earthquake l.a. 2010
earthquake china 2006
earthquake japan 2006 (leads to economic collapse)

comet scare 2012

volcano in yellowstone?


Wednesday, February 1, 2006


wowww i havent blogged in awhile... im a little bit nervous so be gentle. (ha. last time i said that... well... no, nevermind...)

ok heres my life. classes started a couple weeks ago but i think ive been to a total of... maybe 15 out of 30? ouch. wow i suck. of course the instead might actually sort of be worth it. especially now that i found out i actually dont need to take some of the ones ive been skipping the most and so bam! dropped. and then wow. what a past few weekends.

theyve sorta blended together into a big ball of creampuff, but it goes a little something like this. ny the first weekend... and wow... yeh i totally wanna go back. like right now... grmph. awesomest friends ever, lots of yummy restaurants, lots of bars, the moma, trump tower, world conquering plans, sweetass apartment, cute dog, creampuffs, meeting people, anddd did i mention awesomest friends ever?

i think the ride back was the funniest car ride of my life... so when i went to get my ticket for the new jersey turnpike, the toll booth guy held it out and i reache out to grab it and physically grabbed the wrong space. of course who the hell expects anyone to do that? so upon me grasping, the guy let go of the ticket and i made a funny noise out of surprise. the ticket literally floated in mid air for a full 3 or 4 seconds upon which me and the toll booth guy made eye contact and i think i saw felt his soul or something. then as we lovingly looked into eachothers eyes, with my arm extended and my hand clenched in the wrong place, this gentle breeze came and blew the ticket into my window. then the guy, who was really wide eyed and surprised in sort of a gentle tone of disbelief whispers "you got it..." and i nodded yes without braking eye contact and then drove away. i think i may have fallen in love with a toll booth guy...

ok so yeh... also on the way back we were pulling away from a rest stop and sam put his nintendo ds on the dashboard. i turned in the parking lot and the ds fell and hit me right were that knee jerk thing is so i involuntarily kicked up and hit the steering wheel and the car flung left and the windshield wipers and the signal turned on and everyone started screaming so i slammed on the brakes and honked the horn and stalled. oh and i totally drove for 6 hours the whole way from ny to cville and went to my classes the next morning. woah. and sam stayed up with me the wholleee time so i kind of love him a litte bit. ok a lot bit. (faggot.)

heres a couple cool quotes.

sam: yeh... i would totally forgive someone for cheating. i mean i could definetly see myself accidentally having sex.
me: what? how do you accidentally have sex?
sam: i dunno... like if i thought i was falling into a warm piece of bread or something...

reina: yo dude, theres straight up shrimp in that piece.

speaking of new york... i haad a weirddd dream the other night that i was sort of on the same trip except i started going to a school there that was run by disney and i took a class called madonna and pop culture that was actually a front for a class about guns. weird... there was lots of other weird stuff but that i think is the strangest.

then last weekend was pretty ridiculous too. weather was awesome the whole time so yeh... thursday i played tennis with andre and paul... i was pretty miserable about hamas and the elections sooo later i went to bars after with dre and libby and sam and adrienne... i ended up drunk from free drinks from micheals bistro and passed out on my floor wearing my fatah kaffiyeh in a pile of trash (from knocking my trashcan over) with propaghandi - hallie sallasse, up your ass playing and with hooka all over me. apparantly at some point in the night... i had noticed the hooka hose and wanted hooka so i pulled it really hard and pulled the hooka onto my head from the desk. i broke it. if i ever conquer the world and write an autobiography im pretty sure ill write that it was at that moment i realized i was the chosen one. (chosen to be a complete idiot and fail miserably at everything.)

anyway yeh... then friday... woke uppp and got bagels with dre and libby, played tennis again, went to two parties, had a dance party at my house. pretty sweeet. oh and i wet myself in front of everyone. how embarassing!

thennn... saturday woke up to people grilling, got bagels with dre and libby, played soccer with paul and some kids, then played tennis again, then came home to like 10 people hanging out and still grilling... changed and went to johns birthday dinner, then on the way back we realized that between the grilling and everyone at dinner we had lik 25 people... so we got a keg on the way back and completely randomly had an impromptu party.

sunday... bagels again and more tennis... and my parents came and took me andre out to fancy dinner. yum.

sooooo yeh. basically im a tennis playing alcoholic who is into middle east politics and dancing and fine dining... but then again, who isnt? (oh wait... everybody.)

i just dropped a bunch of classes today so im takinggg... modern political theory, liberalism and its critics, international relations of the middle east, and economic development. oh and yeh... it turns out ive accidentally made it so i can graduate this summer... i dont want to though... ill figure something out. maybe a third major? i dont even think thats allowed... fuck...

hey so how awesome is the internet? tonight i was simultaneously listening to music, downloading songs, wikipedia-ing the roman empire and the history of the middle east, howstuffworks-ing and talking to parker about screenprinting, talking to noel about the trade defecit with china and the currency implications, anddd wetting my pants. can YOU do that? well actually yes you can... thanks to the internet. call the 1800 number on the bottom of your screen and order today. but WAIT. if you call now, we will even suck your cock... you fucking faggot.

what? ok sorry. yeh so this is already way too long and i have a 9am class tomorrow so im screwed...

heres my plans for the next little while. im going to nova friday to see 36mafia (woah) and coming back here for party on saaturday. thennn next weekend sahar comes thrusday for nada surf and then friday i really realllllly wanna go to ny again... wow... oh man... life... wow... <3


Saturday, January 14, 2006


my conversations with the stardust capsule.

ashkan: hey whats up?
stardust capsule: nothing. your fingernails are really long.
a: yeh... i know. i havent cut them in awhile.
sc: oh yeh... me neither.
a: yeh...
sc: ...
a: so did you win the lottery tonight?
sc: no. did you?
a: no... but that wouldve been pretty awesome.
sc: word... do you have any coupons?
a: coupons? like for where?
sc: i dunno. i wasnt expecting you to say yes.
a: well i mean... nothing really serious... just like... you know... a subway card and stuff...
sc: oh yeh... yeh i guess i probably have one of those two.
a: yeh... i mean... why not?
sc: yeh, saving money is really great.
a: i mean at least i think it is... im trying to figure it out... i mean if saving extends beyond individual lifetimes, its a doughnut.
sp: what? ... ... ...youre a donut.
a: oh my god, i know!
sc: hey have you heard im carrying stardust?
a: yeh... doesnt surprise me. whats it say?
sc: that you look funny.
a: oh yeh... i already know that.
sc: alright.
a: alright, bye.


Monday, January 9, 2006


listening to deftones adrenaline again is really fun. listening to it backwards? its the album they never released... even better.

im reading about the lead up to the tal (iraqi constitution) and its really cool cuz if you remember my post way back in the day about the constitution... yeh... im actually understanding how each line was painstakingly agreed upon by all the kids involved and just whos ideas are where and what in the constitution. as much as i used to hate it... im sort of realizing how hard it was and that this constitution is actually pretty decent.

last night i was in richmond playing drinking games. today i definately wore my somalian flag tshirt, and i got my kaffiyeh in the mail and put that on bandit style, and i went streaking around on my new bmx bike with a backpack full of books on iraq basking in the ridiculously awesome weather.

woah... i was originally gonna make fun of myself for being overly political and all out gay but i pretty much realized that im basically my dream woman. except i hate myself and im not a woman. (or am i?)


new york trip on the 20th. be there or be square.


Friday, January 6, 2006


cold mourning over, now your warm afternoon.

farewell and welcome noble ghost.

our ranks give tribute, our blades bear your memory.

Thursday, January 5, 2006


i have on multiple occasions given you kids my perdictions for a huge war in the middle east... through blog or conversation...

the earliest documentation of my prediction is september 13, 2002. i formed it probably a few months prior to writing it down so that i had proof for when it happened.

my prediction reads "death of prime minister (sharon?) leads to replacement by netanyahu, who will begin war."

now heres a quote from slate. "If he calculates his moves wisely, Netanyahu is the most likely candidate to gain from the new political situation." (

now heres more background. since i said that... in chronological order...

arafat (leador of palestine) died, creating a power vacuum in palestine that abbas (his succesor and supporter of peace) has been unable to control. hamas (a militant palestinian group that wants war with israel) has been steadily gaining in palestinian elections. now in israel, sharon was formerly in the same party as netanyahu (likud party) and therefore they were not political competitors. sharon implemented a withdrawal from occupied palestinian territories (gaza withdrawal) which split the likud party between his supporters (and withdrawal supporters) and netenyahu with his supporters (opposing the withdrawal.) they became competitors. sharon and his supporters formed a new party, which became the leading kadima party. this made netenyahu leader of the now second most powerful party, likud, and therefore sharons main competitor for prime minister. now, sharon is dead. elections are in three months.

heres the quote again. "If he calculates his moves wisely, Netanyahu is the most likely candidate to gain from the new political situation."

here is what i think will happen now.

just before he got dead, sharon ended a long period of relative peace by bombing and such in palestinian territories. so just before he died, peace got pooped on. now sharons replacement in the kadima party will probably prove uncharasmatic and unpopular, and the party may fall apart. even if it doesnt, i dont think it will have the political support to win the election. who does that leave? netenyahu. i think we all know that people usually respond to extremism by becoming more extremist... so at this same time, either palestine will react to israels hardliner (netenyahu) by turning hardline themselves and electing hamas. (prowar.) or hamas may be elected independently, causing israel to react by turning hardline and electing netenyahu. (prowar.) either way... both sides will fall to hardline prowar types... netenyahu will probably want to undo the gaza withdrawal by reinvading and taking it by force anddd sooo... viola! war.

i hope someday someone realizes how dead on my predictions are. they might declare me a prophet... or at least buy me an ice cream. its pretty ridiculously frustrating that ive probably made one of the most incredibly accurate predictions in history, but only single digit amounts of my friends will ever realize it because people are fucking retarded.

if you do understand... you, like me, are probably getting scared at how perfectly everything is falling into place. (and maybe want to declare me a prophet or at least buy me some ice cream.) admittedly, there is one huge discrepency in my predictions... i always thought sharon would be assasinated by an extremist... but this works too.

with that said... fuck all of you.


Wednesday, January 4, 2006


so heres my new years. i went to rva with dre and went to a semifancy dinner. i still think getting dressed up is pretentious and stupid although taking other peoples perspective into account i suppose it is still practical to conform from a simple cost benefit analysis... as dressing up is not a matter of principal. however... is taking other peoples socially constructed and thus unsubstantiated perceptions into account when making a cost benefit analysis a matter of principal? whatever... im getting side tracked. side. track. hide. whack... spanking! zing.

ahem. start over and focus ashkan.

ok so i went to semi fancy dinner with the rva kids and they totally were an hour late on seating us so we ate their conciliatory calamari and booze and left. free meal! ok then i got changed into some sweet mufti and drank a lot and went to a couple houses. ended up at a house with uva kids and went to some hot dance party. blahblah unintersesting.

thats when... BAM. a fucking police PLANE and agents of the state VERYHWEEWERER! AHHHH! I GOT CHASED BY A FUCKING PLANE!! AHHHH.

i defiently ran out into the spotlight and starting running down the street and screaming stuff about the impedning revolution... then some kid on the sidewalk yells out... "dance dance revolution?" and i go... "FUCKKKKKKK YEHHHHHHHH!!!!" and i started doing my signature dance moves in the spotlight of a police plane.

in that brief moment, i was a star... and new years was perfect. i was like a rose opening itself to the sunlight of early dawn... glistening dew drops catching the morning light as beauty catches the eye of a passerby. (what the fuck am i talking about?)

yeh so anyway then i darted and ran and jumped into some bushes to shake the de facto monopoly of force but as i leapt and darted and crawled i definetly lost my dads jeep key. GRMPH! whatever theres a spare around... problem is i dont know where. GRMPPH!PH!PH!H!

yeh so by the time the spotlight awayed i was totally seperated from dre and libby and sam, but i found cindy and lauren who had kind of run after me. i went and crashed there and woke up hung over as fuck and got a ride with chrissy to andres. readyyyyyyy set CHARLOTTESVILLE!

we left and stopped to get hangover drinksss. standing in the seven eleven, some gatorade caught my eye. (as does the beauty of dew drops or some sutpid shit like that...) i go, "dude! andre!!! RAW!!!" and hold up the bottle... upon which andre politely replied "hey i think that says rain." so i go... "###&$#*&###!!!!" the cashier was not amused.

heres the bottle... its the first one on the left so you can totally understand why i thought it was RAW.

anyway yeh... thus was born our designs for awesome gatorade ad campaigns where that all consist of someone seeing the bottle, getting so pumped they intentionally do great bodily harm to themselves or others, and then scream "RAW!" then someone points out that is doesnt say "raw," but instead says "rain." and then they go "###@beep$*##!!!!" and cut.

heres an example. me and andre driving to cville and i pick up the bottle and go "DUDE!" upon which andre sees the bottle, intentionally crashes the car into a tree and yells "RAW!!!" the a cop comes and points out the rain thing and we both go "#($&beep*##!!!!"

another example. typical suburban neighbor looks over the fence at a middle aged balding guy whos pouring gatorade raw on the hood of his car and goes "hey bill... watcha doin?" bill goes "oh you know... making some modifications to my car... you know... making it faster and all." upon which neighbor points out that its just gatorade... so bill looks at the bottle, chucks it as hard as he can at pummels neighbor in the face and screams "RAW!!!!!" and gets in his car and speeds away.

ok yeh. so i have over 300 pages of a reading nightly for this nation building in iraq class im taking. its pretty awesome... but i get no sleep. grmph. ok i hate you.

oh and now i have been chased by helicopter, plane, atv, foot, bike, car. i only now need boat and horse. this is just like the checking off state license plates game except that its state vehicles... and im not four... ok. i. hate. you. love. fuck... ... ...