Monday, December 8, 2008

on data redundancy and the pitfalls of digital nomadism.

ok lets just say for some reason you pay attention to my quasi tumultuous life and you heard my hard drive crashed this morning. i figure i may as well tell you what the deal is as part of my own coming to terms with what the fuck just happened...

i consider myself something of a digital nomad. i pride myself on having few enough material possesions to completely move between apts in 3 hours tops. i have a messenger bag i affectionately refer to as "my nomad bag" which contains a redundant set of toiletries, a phone charger, and headphones. when i travel, i throw some clothes in and go. which is often.

like to the point where people honestly dont know that i live in richmond because my fractured existence straddles the east coast and sometimes la and phoenix. first question people ask these days is "what city you in?". busses and trains are typically the closest i get to being alone and calmly reflecting on what the hell is going on in life, because if im not there, im usually surrounded by people i love or in the bathroom. or surrounded by people i love in the bathroom. i own clothes, toiletries, books, and some essential furniture items. besides that the rest of my existence is either social or digital.

the digital just took a serious hit. i backup (image) my computer occasionally to another hard drive id say a couple times a year. i was on the butt end of my (women's moon) cycle. after finals, which is thursday, i was due for an imaging. my last backup was 8/24. anything since then is gone, which is basically this past semester. im torn...

on the one hand, this is what i have been imaging and reimaging and backing up for since about 5 yrs ago. i was partially ready. one of my drives in my raid 0 array died at around 12pm today and im back blogging at around 1pm. cool.

on the other had, i got screwed on the butt end of my cycle and lost about 4 pretty crucial months of crazy pictures, sentimental/hilarious texts, music downloads, job apps, and school work. im gonna go ahead and say the texts make me saddest.

sooooo that totally took away of some prime hours of studying for my final tonight at 7. i gotta get goin and study... finals and work galore til thurs night. and now ive got some digital messes to clean up after all that, including fixing my blog. dont change your links! ill fix it. just for now... that works.

now that i think about it, ive got some physical messes to clean up too... not least of which is emerging from a club in nyc inexplicably covered in blood. i thought it was the funniest thing in the world to tell each of my friends a completely different story (jason sonnenschein style) so im pretty sure they still dont know what the hell happened. lets just say it involved climbing through a window from the rooftop.

but learn your lessons from me! data reduncy like crazy. and digital nomadism is great, but its got some pitfalls. buyer beware! back it up like a uhaul truck and always remember the most improtant rule of all... dont die!

speaking of geospatial mobility, heres maybe the coolest thing ive discovered in awhile, thanks to laurel pochucha. im pretty sure the coolest one is lykke li by the sf civic center. my sister used to live in a building overlooking that same spot from where me and andre decided it would be fun to target busses with globs of ice cream from 40 floors up. soft enough to avoid serious damage, but still great for point and aim fun and games. eek... definetly gettin nostalgic about hanging there with julia just like 4 months ago... wow i just realized i want some ice cream. and im nostalgic again.

anyway... mobile concerts. pretty awesome. and nomadic.

Sunday, December 7, 2008


ummm... i definetly have no idea where i am right now.

(but it looks/feels a lot like that.)

Saturday, October 25, 2008


Smashkan Officially Endorses Obama
October 25, 2008

RICHMOND — Local semi-drunkard and occasional blogger Christopher Ashkan Adell, better known by those that mildly dislike him as "Smashkan," was found earlier this morning lying in a refuse pile mumbling the lyrics to Atlanta hip-hop artist Young Jeezy's "My President Is Black."

After being prodded for a few minutes by a homeless passerby, Adell first shielded his eyes from the sun and asked, "Can I have some lemonade?" He then began to sob uncontrollably and shifted to another refuse pile while mumbling a few barely discernable sentences including, "I once ran over my own cat, so now I'm a cyborg. So what if I can't feel my arms? You don't have arms, do you? And castles, they get on just fine without arms, always keeping the peasants out of prison and safe in the bath tub where the robots can't find them. Plus the robots think they can grow hair, but I'm the real deal. I mean, how much does Rogaine cost, anyway?" Mr. Adell then fell back asleep.

During this time, investigators found that Adell's internet history revealed repeat visits to Blaaahg's October 12th blog entry and as well as a strange Yahoo! Answers entry and several distasteful "dragon porn" websites.

Artist Young Jeezy along with Nas, who has often walked a fine line between being socially conscious and rebellious, salutes Mr. Obama on his song, "My President Is Black," a cut off of his new "Recession" album. On this particular track, Young Jeezy talks of his struggles with trusting mainstream society, but concludes: "This a hands on policy, y'all touchin me right nigga’."

Similar songs by artists such as Nas and Jay-Z manage to mention Mr. Obama in a positive light without bashing his opponents.

After several more hours of sleeping in refuse, Adell agreed to sit down for an interview. Mr. Adell insisted on conducting the interview while lying down on his kitchen floor and occasionally ignored the interviewer while squinting and passionately singing an impromptu mash-up of Haddaway's "What Is Love" and Trillville's "Neva Eva."

During a rare transient moment of alertness, Mr. Adell surprised reporters when he coherently opined on the topic of the interview.

"Obama has some pretty amazing qualities that don’t necessarily have anything to do with his presidential competency. Just because of who he is, his presidency would bring renewed credibility to America’s image in the world. And as much as I don’t think America should be making decisions solely for love and attention, a kid being brainwashed in some Waziristan madrasa is going to want an explanation from his bushy bearded mullahs when a minority first generation immigrant who went to school in Indonesia with a name like Barrack Hussein Obama becomes president in a country supposedly controlled by a Jewish and Christian-Zionist alliance – AIPAC’s seriously unfortunate grip on the U.S. government aside.

I disagree with him on a lot of the things, the most important of these being his protectionism and his Iraq policy. During the primaries, Obama said he wanted to have all combat troops out within 16 months, which I believe to be a risky political maneuver. Luckily he has moderated that stance and said he would take into account ‘conditions on the ground’ and the advice of top commanders. As for the protectionism, I just find it hard to believe someone so educated and so eloquent can seriously rail against free trade. But on this position as well, Obama has moderated his stance and come out saying that he ‘supports free trade,’ but would like to make sure it’s ‘conducted fairly.’

I’m a libertarian, so obviously I won’t agree with him on everything. But who he is – his ability to change America’s image, his ability to inspire and call people to action, his ability to seek the advice of great minds like Warren Buffet and Paul Krugman, his unique insight on the experience of the marginalized American that only someone with a financially unstable and generally troubled youth can understand, and his foreign policy perspective that only someone who grew up abroad with a foreign parent can understand – those outweigh our disagreements."

Adell then began eating a nearby paper towel and laughing, presumably at his inability to control his own sobbing.

Reporters gave up attempting to wrest any additional coherent thoughts from Mr. Adell when he began a mediocre freestyle rap about his anger with the recent violence at local dance parties and the malaise of being unloved and unemployed, mediocre at freestyle rapping, and hopelessly obsessed with the idea of "coming on Sarah Palin's glasses." The freestyle also contained several strange homoerotic references to Mr. Adell's cousin, Andre Weldy, who, according to the freestyle rap, "bitches will always like better." As reporters left, Mr. Adell invited them to that evening's planned party where he assured reporters that "all seven of my friends are definitely coming."

Tuesday, October 14, 2008


so a friend sent me this article... and i responded...

the rising tide of capitalism occasionally sinks a few boats.


no seriously though, greenspan was a good fed chairman. its easy to look back once things go wrong. greenspans love for the market probably made him an overall better fed chairman than he would have been otherwise (all other things equal). thats impossible to say conclusively (as is the reverse) because wed have to know the hypothetical of what the world would look like if greenspan were instead someone with a different ideological framework... and we cant know that.

ill admit he had it wrong on some of the derivatives, but so did a lot of people. its important to remember that although he obviously does have significant influence by virtue of his stature, regulating derivatives is ultimately not part of the fed charimans job description. in fact i might even be willing to admit that were i to learn about some of these crazy derivatives during the bull market, i probably wouldve been impressed by the various financial innovators' "skills of an artist." (-strongbad. "look it up, dummy." (-max stone, rebel extreme trillionaire.)) and although the derivatives are a huge part of the current crisis, that doesnt mean they shouldnt exist. the preponderance of evidence suggests they need regulation and oversight. and im ok with that. as ive said in the past, theres a vas deferens between centralized government control or planning and the intelligent delineation of property rights. the former is tyrrany, while the latter includes civil and common law and administrative regulation, which doesnt necessarily involve the government siezing or controlling any property.

heres a good illustration of this... take the difference between a carbon tax and a cap and trade system. while a carbon tax is essentially the moral equivalent to the government demanding payment for the use of air (a de facto claim of ownership), a cap and trade system is simply a delineation of property rights that says this air (the amount below the cap) is henceforth considered property that the market is free to trade or consume or save or whatever. (this is kind of a weak argument but itll work for now.)

that doesnt mean regulation cant sometimes be a trojan horse for government control, but it can also be an intelligent reassessment of property rights. for example, at what points will we recognize debt as property? how many times can it be securitized? can it be repackaged 100 times? how about 10? how about 2 or 3? can i obtain a credit default swap without a specific credit issuance disclosed, or will the law choose to regard credit default swaps as by definition having an identifiable counterparty? or will the law choose to disregard credit default swaps altogether and refuse to enforce them, rendering them a de facto unrecognized type of property? (or more accurately, and unrecognized property relation, right, or contract.)

ok you get it. intelligent regulation is a ok. (for example, a contract for slavery will not be recognized but a contract for labor will.) but blaming greenspan? eh. sure he was part of it, but theres blame to go around. from irresponsible borrowers to disinterested mortgage brokers to banks who bundled the mortgages to investment banks in the secondary mortgage markets that bought the bundles to insurers (or credit swappers) who didnt know what they were insuring because credit rating agencies didnt know what they were rating to people like our parents who thought real estate was an indestructible bubble to courts who recognized crazy derivatives with unknown counterparties to lawmakers and policymakers who ignored it all in the bull markets and turned to populist fingerpointing (blame wall st!) when the bull market turned bear. (bare?)

i once wrote this about patrick bond's looting africa: the economics of exploitation...

I disagree with Bond's characterization of the international power relations regarding Africa. Though a certain degree of cynicism is warranted by Africa's unfortunate position, I believe Bond makes a mistake that I myself am often tempted to make. No one wants to believe that the outcome of so many international institutions' well intentioned efforts could be so disappointing, and no one wants to believe that our good will alone is simply not enough to repair Africa. That would entail accepting some degree of responsibility for Africa's current condition and thus some degree of blame. It's much easier to blame some identifiable (or often unidentifiable) malicious entity as the culprit in "looting" Africa, perhaps understandably so. I don't mean to imply that Africa has never suffered at the hands of another's agency, the scars of slavery and colonialism are all too apparent, but Bond's characterization of a continued and deliberate exploitation of Africa by (well intentioned) actors is neither true nor helpful.

its always easier and simpler to blame someone than to accept that (given the perspective of compounding mistakes and misperceptions,) sometimes the outcome of many benign actors' efforts can be disasterously disappointing. its important to remember that now more than ever.

et la réponse...

greenspan def. has to take a lot of the blame, obviously, something so complex cannot be the fault of just one person or even just one institution but alan is at the root of the problem.

for one thing, greenspan cut rates to 1% and left them there for far too long, as the fed has done in the past (slow to react) that was a key part of this whole disaster. next obviously is the bundling and then re-bundling of mortgages that removed risk at every step of the way. finally it was fierce competition in lending, fueled by a mad desire to run up profits, that gave us no doc, no money down, neg amortization, arm loans that eventually burst the r/e bubble.

the fed does and can regulate banks and other lenders and force upon them stricter lending standards like verifying income or requiring a d/p etc, which many lenders are now self-imposing for obvious reason. greenspan could have and should have increased rates sooner and sharper, further weeding out those who shouldnt be buying houses to begin with. none of this happened and it is b.c so many of the richest and most powerful players in this game believe govt and regulation are bad b.c the stifle and slow growth and that the less of each the better.

the only problem is that the market is irrational, and individuals and corporations are inherently greedy and driven by their greed they will ALWAYS, make decisions to satisfy their greedy inclinations (read increase profits, drive revenues, grow the balance sheet, or whatever other fancy jargon they are peddling these days) and this b.s about the invisible hand is something rich people made up to prevent agents of social justice from reigning in their money printing machines and from clamping down on them and their ability to enrich themselves.

and this is not me looking back and playing monday morning quarter back, i was saying this exact same stuff when i was working at wachovia 2-3 years ago, it was glaringly obvious to me that this was a house of cards built on a myth about as real as the tooth fairy... it was very easy to see this coming, the problem is that all the "smart" people who should have known better were too busy reveling in the glory of their free market solves all problems ideology was finally paying off and no one wanted to rain on the parade.

Monday, October 13, 2008


so my parents called me yesterday and were like "hey we might be doing some work in dubai for a friend in australia, so find some plane tickets for when youre off to go to dubai and australia."

i mean... what?! so it looks like winter break i might be going to dubai and australia... wtf!

dude i am so the poster child for digital nomadism. pretty soon im probably going to need one of these...

"crossing the rio grande was such a huge step. now here i am hopping between continents... but i feel like the more i see, the more i learn, the lonelier i feel." -immigrant garment worker, made in l.a.

the economy.

"One other thing I've done, is I've called on private sector mortgage banks and banks to be more aggressive about lending money to first-time home buyers. And the response has been really good. There's a lot of people in this - our communities around the country that deeply care about the issue of homeownership, and they've been responsive." -George W. Bush, March 26, 2004.

ive always wondered where all these bush supporters are because i sure as hell dont meet them very often. according to the statistics, 1 in 4 people should approve of the job hes doing. i dont get it. i mean i do... theyre mostly rural voters beyond the reach of modern civilization but still... wtf.

im sure theyre the type of people that pride themselves on having only one or not even one news source and disdain urban/intellectual elitism, but dreday raises a good point. hypocrisy. i mean... im just sayin.

the economist on the financial crisis... (also via big cousin.)

i ♥ warren buffet.

oh and i also ♥ paul krugman. he likes beach weak too! congrats and a half on the nobel prize big guy.

oh and last thing... so recently ive been seeing probably some of the strangest ads in the world. heres one from a ny cab...

oh and remember my drunkspress train post? well i took this then.

and heres some in dc near adams morgan that creeped me out...

and by far the weirdest of all...

those are from the metro center stop on the dc metro... i seriously felt like id entered an alternate universe of counter counter culture and it pretty much totally blew my mind.

im sad that the last picture came out a little bit fuzzy cuz it was actually pretty interesting... so i went to the the advertisers website at to get the fuzzy part. here it is...

Correct Answer: 17%
When the minimum wage was created in the late 1930s, most families had only one wage earner and almost by definition low-wage employees lived in low-income families. Over time the labor force has changed and low-wage employees are often second and even third earners. Only a minority of low-wage employees are supporting a family, and only 17 percent are living in poor families. As a result, the average family income of minimum wage employees is over $43,000 a year.

heres paul krugman on the minimum/living wage... if a price floor on labor does indeed create surplus labor (or inversely stated, a shortage of jobs,) i wonder to what extent (if at all) minimum/living wage laws arbitrarily favor those who are actually financially pretty secure at the expense of the 17% of low wage earners who are in fact the primary breadwinner. food (or lack thereof) for thought. maybe a research idea.

ok bye. ♥

awesome articles.

good food? (the economist on organic and fair trade.)

voting with your trolley. (more from the economist.)

stuck in the mud. (more from the economist.)

desalination. (the economist on delsalination.)

the israel lobby. (the israeli lobby. look for when they mention quandt, he was my advisor at uva and an awesome dude.)

Saturday, September 13, 2008

crab meat.

so the other night i went to the gym at like 10 pm really really hungry and could barely lift my own arms. then afterwards i just made it to kroger to find food but they were closing so i grabbed the nearest thing i could find... artificial crab meat.

so picture me weak, sweaty, and alone slowly shoveling lumps of artificial crap meat into my mouth... tears everywhere.

damn im awesome.

Sunday, August 31, 2008

drunkspress train to self awaremess.



all i see are quiggly lines and i fucking love. it.


ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh. ok im wasted on an express train to dc.

our love to admire.

dear person,


but im glad it catches up with us all in the end. maybe there is karma. i hope so cuz ima get a fucking sandwich. and its gonna aste really really good.

SCENERY LIES. scenery flies by! scenery lies.

SAVING! thank blog machine. you are the savior. saver? savious? octavious.

ummm.... am i still typing? holy shit i blacked the fuck out last night

blacking out is when you dont remember things in case youre an idiot.

which you are.

what? no... YES. give it to me.

dude im still typing. lets type the whoeeee train ride. one tap tap after another tap tap tap tpppp.


ride wit me.

i had more money last night. seriousy... where the fuck did all m cash go? mybe i houldnt post this one....


dear wires. GET THE FUCK OFF ME.

im so in love.

why isnt everything wireless? like... toasters... and... biscuits.

seriosuly read the biscuits 10 times real fast... its totally not spelled right ever cuz its a fucked up word and no one likes it.....


adventures all the fucking time... so last night i drank a lot and blacked out. i was trying to leave nyc early early early to get back in time to hang with my cuz whos over from afghanistan... and.... i definetly woke up at 1030am and i was like shit so i sped outta there got in a cab to penn station and the next thing i remember is being nudged by the driver like yo dude... you okay? were here. and me being like holy shit thanks. and i stumbled and fumbled my way onto a train . and now im here.


also ive recently adopted the habit of replacing the word curious with bicurious at every opportunity just for fun... but heres the thing... sometimes thats inappropriate. thats it... i wont tell the story but you can imagine.

you know whos a liar? big fat fucking liar? dj khaled. in the song "out here grindin" he says he hasnt slept in 8 days and he could go for 8 weeks. i totally disagree and im totally right. so yea. me on the other hand. i need to stop passing out in strange places.

W-E-T-H-E-B-E-S-T. (dj khaly!)

i wake up to get my cake up what can i say im a product of my environment...

owwwwww my fucking head. fuck.

can i type with my ees lodef? cuz i think i can. so whats up susan? awesome... ima mothafucking bloggin machine.

holy shit the only thing i missed was eyes closed/ thats awesome.... so you know what tastes awesome? POPEYES. yum.

you kno what else ules? bolt bus. shit is awesome. sometimes i but rickets and throw em away ust for fun.

im tuping all this with my closed because its fun me. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LIFE IS HILARIOUS>

dude s you know who rules? andre weldu.


ummm....... maybe i should open my eyes now... i bet this looks really weirds to the other people on this train.... cuz im definetly looking upwards with my eyes closed and still typing reallt fast and duriously... woah. im not angry at all. im fast though definetly.

ok goodnight.

Monday, July 28, 2008


how loyal is the hungry dog? how stable is this civilization?

same answer.

moral absolutes are the lowest common denominator of the civilized man. utilitarian calculations partially explain the remainder.

and karma?

there is no karma.

youve been decieved. and youve decieved yourself.

patterns. identity. defenses. justifications. rationalizations. realizations.

who ive become. who i am. i am (not) condemned.

Friday, July 18, 2008


so july 24th is my 24th birthday.

but i am far flung. so?

parties all over! anyone that wants to travel with me for any leg will get everything provided for except oatmeal packets. those arent allowed.

(void where prohibited. must be at least 18 or over. certain taxes, fees, and restrictions may apply. im a fucking pilot! god im lonely.)

here are my tour dates...

richmond va - thurs july 24th (dre and brendans house - 123 s colonial ave)
washington dc - friday july 25th (sticky rice dc - h st and 12th st) *come for dinner, stay for drinks
great falls va - friday july 25th (my house - 10409 chelsea manors ct) *afterparty
new york ny - saturday july 26th (hifi - ave a tween 11/12th st)
brooklyn ny - sunday july 27th (mgmt show - mccarren park pool)
san fransisco ca - wendsday july 30th (tba)
los angeles ca - thursday july 31st (cancelled)

each location will probably be me and like 1 or 2 friends crying about the terrible direction this country is headed.

oh and ps... the dragon is coming.

Tuesday, July 15, 2008

arbitrary direction.

its been a long time and ive got a new blog! my first entry... started writing in nyc and finished in dc. kind of cool. how do i look? hows the look, the feel, the fabric of our lives? i hope you like it. if you dont, you can always suck it.

ok you want an update.

heres an update... go fuck yourself.

ok that was rude... sorry.

well heres one... when theres nothing left to burn you have to set yourself on fire... so i did. the crotch of my new jeans now has a cigaretteish burn hole that makes it even easier for me to get my tip wet in emergency situations like the coming apocalypse.

alright let me try to not be stream of conciousness long enough to give you a blog that actually means something in the literal sense.

these past few months are a textbook definition of arbitrary direction in life and small worldedness. lets take a sample few days/nights...

so i get to ny unbeknowest to me the day of the m.i.a. concert. go to bounce and meet up w cindy and get some free drinks from lauren and head to an m.i.a. afterparty in brooklyn to meet up with julia and milena. get crunk.

next day i get a random text from jeff koz back from some intl trade conferences askin if i was in nyc. get dinner w him and lauren and cindy and then hang on laurens rooftop drinkin fuzzy mimosas and pregaming for the night... some baller (chinese coal import/export) lauren and michelle know from high school has a private room with bottle service at the 40/40 club (jayzs club) cuz hes leavin for china the next day. julia comes with friends who are from all over the place, sweden/france/switzerland, and we were kind of the coolest kids there. says me. and im an authority on these things so fuck you. but yea... got crunk and danced my face off. it was kind of a hilarious place to find myself cuz id been listening to lil wayne all day... pay attention to the lyrics and i think youll get why its funny. anyway we get french fries at pomme frites and make a friend from pa with two first names.

next day hang at mike and katies apartment and meet up with mauricio. saw dont mess with the zohann... actually a pretty funny parody on israel/palestine shit. then me and mau get on the subway back to his place and guess who i see on the L train? sebastian and jocelyn, friends from uva. then i hop the subway and some dude is like how do you get to blah? which is like 4 blocks from laurens. so im like oh just walk with me. turns out this dude, ahmed, is from somalia and we proceed to have an awesome 30 minute conversation about somalia. ive got my paradigms, and i hated the islamists there. i still do. i was ecstatic when ethiopia overthrew them. but ahmed told me there has never been order in somalia like that as long as he knows. so pause for thought... what do you do when a failed state repairs itself with islamism? cry? shit if i know... but i still cant accept islamists... i just cant cant cant.

tangent... speaking of somalia, remember the last iraq blog i wrote? well im pretty sure ive been vindicated cuz im pretty sure it was right. so suck it. ok so i dont bore you, more politics tangent in another entry...

back to story... tiny bit more i promise... ok so next day visit anytime where sams bartending with sebastian, jocelyn, cindy, and mau. that place actually has some pretty ridiculously awesome food. the anytime burger? woah. they deliver too... anyway... get crunk. and cindy and sebastien debate rva vs cville... for the record, im neutral.

next day head to coney island with cindy. betwixt hangings on the beach, i get a call from my parents tellin me i got into the real estate and urban land development post bac i applied for. it was the only thing i applied for... i dont really know why but yea... ate the fastest melting ice cream in the world and rode a rollercoaster to celebrate.

thats the beginning to a whole other tangent so let me just end that by saying it was a terrible few days and my life is boring and uneventful.

so here we go... arbitrary direction anyone? by the way let me explain this whole arbitrary direction thing... so once upon a time, i couldve gone to gw instead of uva. i chose uva. now that lauren hayden is at gw and i hang out in dc often, i keep thinking... what an arbitrary choice. i mean like... my life wouldve been sooo radically different had i chosen gw, but like so much so that i cant even begin to compare because i have no idea what wouldve been different. i mean its like literally EVERYTHING would be different. so much so that i cant possibly begin to make value judgements on what mightve been worse or better or whatever. shit is crazy.

and now its another one of those times. my choices in life are all over the place. lets number them and poop in some background... and a picture...

choice 1... (more?!) school.

originally i wanted an mba... so i was going to get a 2nd bachelors degree at vcu which would give me guaranteed admission. but i got sick of it and applied for the post bac, which is basically half the mba. got accepted for fall. now im thinking i shoulda taken the gmat and applied for mbas all over the place. well woulda coulda shoulda. whatever.

heres my deal now... after this 1 yr post bac thing, i could in theory be done with the vcu mba like 1 semester after that. so an mba in like year and a half from now? could be cool. but heres the problem... well two problems.

problem 1... more school? MORE SCHOOL?! fucking fuck. im so tired of it... i want to quit this game! you know how on the wii its got that little message thats like "why dont you take a break and go outside?" implying youre an idiot and dont know when to quit? well yea.

problem 2... i still havent given up on the international economic development thing. i somehow told myself i would do something cool with like a big financial firm and move into development later in life... but why? what if i can start now? i could at least try and get a job in development and apply to a couple development masters programs and then weigh my options afterwards. makin the big bucks is appealing... but so is toting an ak-47 in somalia. arbitrary decisions! argh!

i havent officially accepted the post bac thing and will probably defer it. if i can do something cool this next year or so, itll still be there, and in the meantime i can apply all over and think for a sec before i commit myself to an mba and vcu/richmond for another like year and a half. fear of commitment? never heard of it. (god im lonely...)

choice 2... afghanistan!

can you tell by the punctuation im pretty excited about this? i could work in afghanistan for a year and get started in development. my cousin is there and could help me find some cool development work. i mean... woah. afghanistan! woah! heres the problem. my parents dont want me to go. like really really really dont want me to go. and im not trying to get my cousin in poopcity with the whole family. this is a shitty situation. because im pretty sure this is what i want to do more than anything else. i mean i could learn so much about the development lifestyle and pretty quickly know if i want to do it forever or not. plus id come back seriously fluent in farsi and always have the translator option.

i mean i definitely have my reservations about it. can i seriously survive without crazy parties and getting crunk all the time? who am i going to hit on... massoud the local kabob guy? and of course theres the whole losing a limb or two to think about. (tutu to think about?) shit. but its so dreamy all at the same time. i mean finally feeling like im making a serious difference instead of writing policy prescriptions and academic analyses. shit shit shit.

ive got to convince my parents. my cousin will be in town aug 12-14 and were going to talk with them. i hope this shit works out. and i hope i dont die. im going to freeze my sperm before i go... if i die, please have my baby? (worst sexual advance ever. offer only valid for those with first names beginning in L, J, or C.) seriously though... my parents will raise it if you dont want to.

choice 3... work somewhere at least a little bit cool.

i want to live and work in ny, but most of the cool development jobs are in dc. maybe i can find something in finance? something about being an abused analyst sort of appeals to me and i have no idea why. if this whole afghanistan thing doesnt work out, ill have to decide between school and a job. im leaning heavily to job. just to give me a year to test at least 1 of my competing interests (finance/development) and some time to think and apply to some other schools and get a few more options.

plus theres something appealing about finally having a different perspective on life other than as a student... my only serious experience with a 9 to 5 was my little stint with wachovia which was pretty much nothing. but i remember feeling like a yuppie and it was kind of a cool feeling. so yea... i mean ive done some pretty cool things for my parents real estate developments... but i want to be a yuppie for awhile. just to get my tip wet.

alright those are the choices... oh wait... one more...

choice 4... work at magdas international cafe in brooklyn. so one morning i woke up hungover as hell and cindy was like, come get some brunch at magdas! i stumbled over and cindy was inexplicably slammed with customers. so i was like ill just chill til it thins out a little.

some people came in and i was like well ill just help get them some menus. so i was like here ya go, sit wherever. then i did that for a few more people and i was like well maybe ill get them waters. so i started getting waters too. then one table is like hey can i get a coffee? and i was like well i might as well start getting them drinks. so i started getting drinks... and then i saw some mess on the way back and forth and i was like well i can grab this. so i started bussing tables. before i knew it, i had drunkenly stumbled into waiting tables at a mexican restaurant in brooklyn. what the fuck. that was the moment i knew i had to get the fuck out of nyc. i left and immediately got on the china town bus back to dc. oh the things i get myself into... (rolls eyes / poops pants.)

oh also cool... chinatown bus to dc put me right by joc and lizettes house where they were having their housecooling party. so i told everyone that i couldnt come cuz i was in nyc and then bam... surprise! and paul came with devon knudsen! woot! needless to say the party thinned out real fast upon my arrival, but im used to it. its not my fault im too hot to handle.

also the housecooling was cuz they were moving out... whered they go? have you ever heard of the flag house in dc? cuz woah. like seriously, this shits crazy. its a house with like ten futons on the roof but even nuttier, wierd ass trippy like fake robots and stuff all over. and the flag thing? this house has like 10 flagpoles. the front has the u.n. flag front and center, and the highest flag is a crescent with the word "liberty." kind of awesome. its right near adams morgan... who knows, maybe you can see the liberty flag from there.

sooo anyone notice the sudden burst of bike thefts in richmond? cuzzz ouch. mines gone... remember my bike that helped me outrun the cops? all gone... sigh... check out this commemorative tshirt i made though... (ill post it soon.)

oh and hey so apparantly a cat has adopted my family in nova. its kind of hard to visualize the layout of our house but there is this one section of balcony that has windows into our family room that is incredibly hard to get to from the ground. well theres this awesome orange cat that looks a shitload like my friend mikey from beach week that just hangs there alllll the time and gets really happy when i go outside and hang with her. kind of awesome.

alright ive been talking normal long enough. time for artsy fartsy so fuck off.

ill leave you with a picture of mia the cat who lives in the west village apartment cindy was housesitting this weekend...


towards a new militancy.

towards a new militancy.

it was never us versus them, but the cancers within us both. seperate entities seeking eachothers destruction. so towards a new kind of militancy. kill the cancer. those individual parts of our society that advocate the seperateness of two entities, and the indivdual parts of the corallary that co opt the projection. so to tear us, once one contiguous civiliation, into two. repeat this process until there is no civilization left to speak of. you will find your freedom there, where each that professes to civilize another has been stripped of all ability to coerce.

but beware... infinite division can easily become cancerous.

self projection.

last night i had a dream that i met nouri al-maliki.

over and over and over. torch my front lawn you fucking fuck.

once upon a time, i fought. i have eyes everywhere. i see lies everywhere. but how many victories secure an empire? faithful governance. and an external scapegoat. and she falls in love with the sound of ships sinking.

compare everything. forgive nothing.

every apartment is vacant. every home for rent!

blood drops in coconuts.

your friends are all cripple, all wither, all wilt.

in the world of men, i reign. in the world of humans, i am no exception.

note to self (not to self)... dont fuck up.


secondary mortgage markets. mortgage backed financial derivatives. innovative financial instruments.

interconnectedness. too big to fail. bailouts.

im not issuing any credit right now.

just let it die. it all dies in the end anyway... right kitty?

things i rememeber being really special that i lost. a poem. and pictures for a poem. and a friend.

i am a machine. gene machine. moths have a lot in common with me.

moths fly into the candle flame, and it doesn't look like an accident. they go out of their way to make a burnt offering of themselves. we could label it 'self-immolation behaviour' and wonder how darwinian natural selection could possibly favour it. my point, again, is that we need to rewrite the question before we can even attempt an intelligent answer. it isn't suicide. apparent suicide emerges as an inadvertent side-effect.

artificial light is a recent arrival on the night scene. until recently, the only night lights were the moon and the stars. being at optical infinity, their rays are parallel, which makes them ideal compasses. insects are known to use celestial objects to steer accurately in a straight line. the insect nervous system is adept at setting up a temporary rule of thumb such as "steer a course such that the light rays hit your eye at an angle of 30 degrees." since insects have compound eyes, this will amount to favouring a particular ommatidium. (individual optical tube radiating out from the centre of the compound eye.)

but the light compass relies critically on the celestial object being at optical infinity. if it isn't, the rays are not parallel but diverge like the spokes of a wheel. a nervous system using a 30 degree rule of thumb to a candle, as though it were the moon, will steer its moth, in a neat logarithmic spiral, into the flame.

it is still, on average, a good rule of thumb. we don't notice the hundreds of moths who are silently and effectively steering by the moon or a bright star, or even the lights of a distant city. we see only moths hurling themselves at our lights, and we ask the wrong question. why are all these moths committing suicide? instead, we should ask why they have nervous systems that steer by maintaining an automatic fixed angle to light rays, a tactic which we only notice on the occasions when it goes wrong. when the question is rephrased, the mystery evaporates. it never was right to call it suicide.

what makes a me, me? (meme?) positive feedback from self projection? cuz i get that. usually the more ridiculously i throw myself out there, the better. except sometimes when i dont get positive feedback. raised eyebrows? look like bridges to other places.

sometimes when im alone, i like to pretend the tree branches are extended hands trying to give me a high five / help with my arbitrary geographical positioning. and the root systems have all blended together so that all the identical manifestations of a maples genes come to represent a single living entity... a whole forest documenting my travels. i took this picture from my bedroom... its a tree that lives outside my bedroom window and watches me while i sleep.

anyway... hows your life? want a sandwich? ill buy you one. because i like you.

the world is the smallest place ever. geospatial distances mean nothing to me. the little neurons that get me to erase the distance between me and my energy have undertaken a cooperative effort to merge cities. these corriders are axons and highways. piled on top of eachother to infinity. pardoxically temporarily. but only temporally... existentially? infinity ad absurdum. so fuck you.

because youre all i need.

gas and politics.

more politics tangent...

things that interest/worry me, the killing of the undp leader in somalia. fuck. hezbollah got veto power in lebanon and a prisoner swap with israel. lame. afghanistan is definitely getting worse, but luckily petraeus is now in charge of both theatres just in time to fuck some shit up. iraq is looking a lot lot lot better. (check this out... by far the best indicator of iraqi development ive found thus far.) i think its about time the us focuses on afghanistan and finishes what they started. 20000 troops in afghanistan? seriously.

so im adding this because a few people have been asking me about the indymac failure. if you want info on that, i like this. basically, no, the economy is not about to collapse. but if youre in total panic mode (like some people i know) and will stop at nothing to know what banks might be at risk, the bove list has the best methodology ive seen so far. ok now back to our regularly scheduled programming...

i hear a lot of silly hippy jibber jabber about the price of gas and some really idiotic schemes for boycotts and protests. obviously, ive kind of been itching to give a little info. basically the important point is this... lotta doomsday talk about running out of oil, but the current crisis, while influenced by emerging markets adding to the demand, is mostly the result of speculation. about what? about this.

the actual consumption versus supply has not shifted as radically as the price. check it... (and thats not even considering that production is increasing over time as well.) let me put it this way. the actual fundamentals of production and consumption changes are pretty stable over time, so these sudden price fluctuations are not based on those fundamentals, but shocks and anticipated shocks that may never even materialize. same shits been happening throughout recent history... so what do i think of oil prices now? its a bubble. beware the burst if obama wins before an attack on iran. sorry if thats not exciting and apocalyptic... but maybe this will cheer you up.

speaking of obama... pretty much everyone i know is bonkers for obama and i feel like i owe them an explanation. im going to poop here for two reasons... 1. because time flies when your poopin on stuff (-cindy) and 2. because people keep asking me what i think and i can now point them in this direction...

im undecided.

most people will look at me funny and be like really? not obama? but the answer is no. not yet anyway. need more input. (-johnny 5)

obama has some pretty amazing qualities that dont have anything to do with his presidential competency. just because of who he is, his ascendancy to the presidency (unintentional rhyme) will bring renewed credibility (is that another rhyme?) to americas image in the world. and as much as i dont think america should be making descisions solely for love and attention, (i have already got that covered... see? i do it for my country!) a kid being brainwashed in some waziristan madrasa is going to want an explanation from his bushy bearded mullahs when a minority 1st generation immigrant who went to school in indonesia with a name like barack hussein obama becomes president in a country supposedly controlled by a jewish christian zionist alliance.

i mean dont get me wrong... aipac has a seriously unfortuanate grip on the us government... but we shall overcome! (wait, what? oh sorry i just watched an ambiguosly hopeful obama speech and im feeling inexplicably inspired by an undeniably desirable vision that can apparantly be obtained simply by supporting obama hopefully enough. oh and apparantly through protectionism, universal healthcare, and a hasty withdrawal from iraq.)

in case you cant tell, i already got started on the cons. obama is an awesome dude, dont get me wrong... id fist pound the shit out of him. (why am i turned on?) but despite all the change rhetoric, his policies are really nothing that revolutionary... theyve all been vetted at some point by some politician or another. so why wasnt everyone going nuts for those politicians? like i said... obama is not about his policies or his plans. bonkers for obama is about who obama is, not what he will do.

and unfortuanately, i disagree with a lot of the things he wants to do, the most important of these being his protectionism and his iraq policy. until recently, obama said he wanted to have all combat troops out within 16 months. i mean seriously? could you imagine the disasterous consequences if we stuck with that no matter what happened in the meantime? i think obama will be the next president and so luckily, hes calmed down on that stance, saying he will reevaluate when he takes his iraq trip. +2 obama. i always thought he seemed too intelligent to be serious about that... but that kind of means he just said it to win the primaries. -1 obama. really that should be a -2... but would he have won the primaries without saying that? probably not and obamas no idiot. so only -1. net +1 for moderating stupid stance.

now the protectionist shit. same exact story i think... i just find it hard to believe someone so educated and so eloquent can seriously be against free trade. but alas, do educated eloquent people control the vote in crucial swing states like ohio? nope... joe whitey mcretard does. and since the emerging economies of the world are responsible for our friend's plight, he is fully convinced that we can close our borders, pray a lot more, and pretend theyre not there. so what do i want from obama? more moderation.

when do i expect to have my answer? after a debate or two. mccain is way too intelligent not to confront obama about these clearly populist poopforbrains policies. mccain is an awesome dude... this is definetly not bush v kerry. i have a profound respect for the dude, even if he drools while he sleeps. (my cousin rode next to him on a flight to phoenix.) in fact im pretty sure i agree with mccain much more than obama on policies. actually... let me take a second to get slightly annoyed.

this whole thing about mccain being bush all over again is probably the stupidest thing since bush got reelected. this is a dude with millions who flies economy when hes on public funds. this is a dude who got destroyed by bush in the 2000 primaries because he refused to do the disgusting shit bush and rove did to him. this is a dude whos central platform of campaign finance reform would probably eliminate politicians like bush from the political landscape. just because you support obama, dont slander a dude who tried to stop bush from getting the presidency in 2000. its just ummm... how can i put this... stupid.

ok anyway... obamas answers when mccain confronts him in a debate will be crucial for my vote, and im assuming theres a few people out there like me. if he shows himself to be a moderate... if he drops some hints that he basically just said some of his stupider policies for the primaries... he will probably win me over.

im a fucking libertarian, so no, obviously i wont agree with him on a lot of things. but who he is... his ability to change americas image, his ability to inspire people, and his foreign policy perspective that only someone with foreign parents can understand... those will outweigh our disagreements.

anddd im done.

Thursday, March 13, 2008


windstorms, downed powerlines, scrabble, navigating pitch black apartment buildings with zombies on the loose, banditry, party hopping, watching the sunrise, airports at 6 am, hot tubs, hookahs, running with chocolate labs, fast food, smoothies, and warm weather bike rides.

last night i hung out around dc and happened to get caught in the middle of the largest dc fire since the 1970s. so me and some friends did what anyone would do... dodged the shit out of more emergency vehicles than i have ever seen in my life, got some drinks in adams morgan, and then watched it burn.


its too bad all things are fleeting (us included/especially)... but sometimes its nice to watch it burn.

next stop, nyc.


Sunday, January 27, 2008

its over!

fuck yeah! im still out of breath!

dude i totally just outran the cops on my bike. that was awesome. some kid on a bike got pulled over and i was listenin to some purple ribbon all stars on my speaker phone and i could have just avoided it... but after reunion with megan patterson, dancefest at ny deli where i got sandwiched by two huge black ladies (well curved?), a hot tub party featuring rampant nakedness, and a crustpunk party where i just didnt give a fuck and talked to everyone and got kissed by some guy (who demanded 5 bucks afterwards), i decided i just hadnt had enough for one night so i made a conscious descision to ride by the cops even if it was a little outta my way.

so i rode by and the cop yells out "yo!" (weird, right?) and so i yell back "heeeaaaayyyyy!" (all sultry like) and he goes "come here!" and i go "why?!"... he didnt answer so i said "fuck you." (dismissively) he goes "what?!" so i yell "fuck you!" and speed off.

blam! im ridin the wrong way down a one way street and a cop car is speeding behind me, sirens and megaphone ablazin. so i decide to do some maneuverin and tear down an alley amd get to a T where the obvious choice is right, where the alley goes back into the street. instead, i turn left into a dead end and get the fuck behind a fucking parked boat. i turn off my purple ribbon all stars and keep quiet. the cop pulls in, pauses for about 15 seconds, and tears down the obvious direction. i wait until i cant hear the sirens and i bike (fast) the few more blocks home.

needless to say, the cop obviously ditched the the kid he already had pulled over to chase me. and he lost me. on a bike. to a boat.

fuck yeah.

its nights like these that make me feel alive.

speaking of feeling alive, i definetly watched the coolest documentary ever on potential for immortality... mostly focused on mitachondrial replacement and manipulating nematode genes. i recorded it, so its at my place if you wanna watch. there was also some stuff about the psychology of aging and how as you get older, you begin to filter the "nonprocreative" (not a real word) things in life. they did a test where they showed old people and young people the same series of images, and the older people remembered images like "woman with baby" and "mushroom growing out of log" whereas young people remembered random other stuff like... ummm... stuff i dont remember.

anyway. this night reminded me of... ummm... life. the same way you do!


normally i would give you a song or two... but tonight im feeling saucy, underappreciated, and drained from dancing and high speed chases where the odds are stacked against me.

so go get it yourself.

the klaxons - its not over yet

cansei de ser sexy - superafim

cassius - toop toop

cassius - rock number one

random side note... ive decided i definetly need to just be alone for awhile so im locking myself in my room and getting food slid under the door. its a win win... entertaining for you, growth through painful asceticism for me. (if thats even possible, which i guess well find out.)

its entertainment at my expense, which is actually nothing all that unusual now that i think about it. anyway, wish me luck. and expect me to find my adrenaline in weird places for a little while to come. hopefully i dont hurt myself.