Saturday, January 14, 2006


my conversations with the stardust capsule.

ashkan: hey whats up?
stardust capsule: nothing. your fingernails are really long.
a: yeh... i know. i havent cut them in awhile.
sc: oh yeh... me neither.
a: yeh...
sc: ...
a: so did you win the lottery tonight?
sc: no. did you?
a: no... but that wouldve been pretty awesome.
sc: word... do you have any coupons?
a: coupons? like for where?
sc: i dunno. i wasnt expecting you to say yes.
a: well i mean... nothing really serious... just like... you know... a subway card and stuff...
sc: oh yeh... yeh i guess i probably have one of those two.
a: yeh... i mean... why not?
sc: yeh, saving money is really great.
a: i mean at least i think it is... im trying to figure it out... i mean if saving extends beyond individual lifetimes, its a doughnut.
sp: what? ... ... ...youre a donut.
a: oh my god, i know!
sc: hey have you heard im carrying stardust?
a: yeh... doesnt surprise me. whats it say?
sc: that you look funny.
a: oh yeh... i already know that.
sc: alright.
a: alright, bye.


Monday, January 9, 2006


listening to deftones adrenaline again is really fun. listening to it backwards? its the album they never released... even better.

im reading about the lead up to the tal (iraqi constitution) and its really cool cuz if you remember my post way back in the day about the constitution... yeh... im actually understanding how each line was painstakingly agreed upon by all the kids involved and just whos ideas are where and what in the constitution. as much as i used to hate it... im sort of realizing how hard it was and that this constitution is actually pretty decent.

last night i was in richmond playing drinking games. today i definately wore my somalian flag tshirt, and i got my kaffiyeh in the mail and put that on bandit style, and i went streaking around on my new bmx bike with a backpack full of books on iraq basking in the ridiculously awesome weather.

woah... i was originally gonna make fun of myself for being overly political and all out gay but i pretty much realized that im basically my dream woman. except i hate myself and im not a woman. (or am i?)


new york trip on the 20th. be there or be square.


Friday, January 6, 2006


cold mourning over, now your warm afternoon.

farewell and welcome noble ghost.

our ranks give tribute, our blades bear your memory.

Thursday, January 5, 2006


i have on multiple occasions given you kids my perdictions for a huge war in the middle east... through blog or conversation...

the earliest documentation of my prediction is september 13, 2002. i formed it probably a few months prior to writing it down so that i had proof for when it happened.

my prediction reads "death of prime minister (sharon?) leads to replacement by netanyahu, who will begin war."

now heres a quote from slate. "If he calculates his moves wisely, Netanyahu is the most likely candidate to gain from the new political situation." (

now heres more background. since i said that... in chronological order...

arafat (leador of palestine) died, creating a power vacuum in palestine that abbas (his succesor and supporter of peace) has been unable to control. hamas (a militant palestinian group that wants war with israel) has been steadily gaining in palestinian elections. now in israel, sharon was formerly in the same party as netanyahu (likud party) and therefore they were not political competitors. sharon implemented a withdrawal from occupied palestinian territories (gaza withdrawal) which split the likud party between his supporters (and withdrawal supporters) and netenyahu with his supporters (opposing the withdrawal.) they became competitors. sharon and his supporters formed a new party, which became the leading kadima party. this made netenyahu leader of the now second most powerful party, likud, and therefore sharons main competitor for prime minister. now, sharon is dead. elections are in three months.

heres the quote again. "If he calculates his moves wisely, Netanyahu is the most likely candidate to gain from the new political situation."

here is what i think will happen now.

just before he got dead, sharon ended a long period of relative peace by bombing and such in palestinian territories. so just before he died, peace got pooped on. now sharons replacement in the kadima party will probably prove uncharasmatic and unpopular, and the party may fall apart. even if it doesnt, i dont think it will have the political support to win the election. who does that leave? netenyahu. i think we all know that people usually respond to extremism by becoming more extremist... so at this same time, either palestine will react to israels hardliner (netenyahu) by turning hardline themselves and electing hamas. (prowar.) or hamas may be elected independently, causing israel to react by turning hardline and electing netenyahu. (prowar.) either way... both sides will fall to hardline prowar types... netenyahu will probably want to undo the gaza withdrawal by reinvading and taking it by force anddd sooo... viola! war.

i hope someday someone realizes how dead on my predictions are. they might declare me a prophet... or at least buy me an ice cream. its pretty ridiculously frustrating that ive probably made one of the most incredibly accurate predictions in history, but only single digit amounts of my friends will ever realize it because people are fucking retarded.

if you do understand... you, like me, are probably getting scared at how perfectly everything is falling into place. (and maybe want to declare me a prophet or at least buy me some ice cream.) admittedly, there is one huge discrepency in my predictions... i always thought sharon would be assasinated by an extremist... but this works too.

with that said... fuck all of you.


Wednesday, January 4, 2006


so heres my new years. i went to rva with dre and went to a semifancy dinner. i still think getting dressed up is pretentious and stupid although taking other peoples perspective into account i suppose it is still practical to conform from a simple cost benefit analysis... as dressing up is not a matter of principal. however... is taking other peoples socially constructed and thus unsubstantiated perceptions into account when making a cost benefit analysis a matter of principal? whatever... im getting side tracked. side. track. hide. whack... spanking! zing.

ahem. start over and focus ashkan.

ok so i went to semi fancy dinner with the rva kids and they totally were an hour late on seating us so we ate their conciliatory calamari and booze and left. free meal! ok then i got changed into some sweet mufti and drank a lot and went to a couple houses. ended up at a house with uva kids and went to some hot dance party. blahblah unintersesting.

thats when... BAM. a fucking police PLANE and agents of the state VERYHWEEWERER! AHHHH! I GOT CHASED BY A FUCKING PLANE!! AHHHH.

i defiently ran out into the spotlight and starting running down the street and screaming stuff about the impedning revolution... then some kid on the sidewalk yells out... "dance dance revolution?" and i go... "FUCKKKKKKK YEHHHHHHHH!!!!" and i started doing my signature dance moves in the spotlight of a police plane.

in that brief moment, i was a star... and new years was perfect. i was like a rose opening itself to the sunlight of early dawn... glistening dew drops catching the morning light as beauty catches the eye of a passerby. (what the fuck am i talking about?)

yeh so anyway then i darted and ran and jumped into some bushes to shake the de facto monopoly of force but as i leapt and darted and crawled i definetly lost my dads jeep key. GRMPH! whatever theres a spare around... problem is i dont know where. GRMPPH!PH!PH!H!

yeh so by the time the spotlight awayed i was totally seperated from dre and libby and sam, but i found cindy and lauren who had kind of run after me. i went and crashed there and woke up hung over as fuck and got a ride with chrissy to andres. readyyyyyyy set CHARLOTTESVILLE!

we left and stopped to get hangover drinksss. standing in the seven eleven, some gatorade caught my eye. (as does the beauty of dew drops or some sutpid shit like that...) i go, "dude! andre!!! RAW!!!" and hold up the bottle... upon which andre politely replied "hey i think that says rain." so i go... "###&$#*&###!!!!" the cashier was not amused.

heres the bottle... its the first one on the left so you can totally understand why i thought it was RAW.

anyway yeh... thus was born our designs for awesome gatorade ad campaigns where that all consist of someone seeing the bottle, getting so pumped they intentionally do great bodily harm to themselves or others, and then scream "RAW!" then someone points out that is doesnt say "raw," but instead says "rain." and then they go "###@beep$*##!!!!" and cut.

heres an example. me and andre driving to cville and i pick up the bottle and go "DUDE!" upon which andre sees the bottle, intentionally crashes the car into a tree and yells "RAW!!!" the a cop comes and points out the rain thing and we both go "#($&beep*##!!!!"

another example. typical suburban neighbor looks over the fence at a middle aged balding guy whos pouring gatorade raw on the hood of his car and goes "hey bill... watcha doin?" bill goes "oh you know... making some modifications to my car... you know... making it faster and all." upon which neighbor points out that its just gatorade... so bill looks at the bottle, chucks it as hard as he can at pummels neighbor in the face and screams "RAW!!!!!" and gets in his car and speeds away.

ok yeh. so i have over 300 pages of a reading nightly for this nation building in iraq class im taking. its pretty awesome... but i get no sleep. grmph. ok i hate you.

oh and now i have been chased by helicopter, plane, atv, foot, bike, car. i only now need boat and horse. this is just like the checking off state license plates game except that its state vehicles... and im not four... ok. i. hate. you. love. fuck... ... ...