Wednesday, January 4, 2006


so heres my new years. i went to rva with dre and went to a semifancy dinner. i still think getting dressed up is pretentious and stupid although taking other peoples perspective into account i suppose it is still practical to conform from a simple cost benefit analysis... as dressing up is not a matter of principal. however... is taking other peoples socially constructed and thus unsubstantiated perceptions into account when making a cost benefit analysis a matter of principal? whatever... im getting side tracked. side. track. hide. whack... spanking! zing.

ahem. start over and focus ashkan.

ok so i went to semi fancy dinner with the rva kids and they totally were an hour late on seating us so we ate their conciliatory calamari and booze and left. free meal! ok then i got changed into some sweet mufti and drank a lot and went to a couple houses. ended up at a house with uva kids and went to some hot dance party. blahblah unintersesting.

thats when... BAM. a fucking police PLANE and agents of the state VERYHWEEWERER! AHHHH! I GOT CHASED BY A FUCKING PLANE!! AHHHH.

i defiently ran out into the spotlight and starting running down the street and screaming stuff about the impedning revolution... then some kid on the sidewalk yells out... "dance dance revolution?" and i go... "FUCKKKKKKK YEHHHHHHHH!!!!" and i started doing my signature dance moves in the spotlight of a police plane.

in that brief moment, i was a star... and new years was perfect. i was like a rose opening itself to the sunlight of early dawn... glistening dew drops catching the morning light as beauty catches the eye of a passerby. (what the fuck am i talking about?)

yeh so anyway then i darted and ran and jumped into some bushes to shake the de facto monopoly of force but as i leapt and darted and crawled i definetly lost my dads jeep key. GRMPH! whatever theres a spare around... problem is i dont know where. GRMPPH!PH!PH!H!

yeh so by the time the spotlight awayed i was totally seperated from dre and libby and sam, but i found cindy and lauren who had kind of run after me. i went and crashed there and woke up hung over as fuck and got a ride with chrissy to andres. readyyyyyyy set CHARLOTTESVILLE!

we left and stopped to get hangover drinksss. standing in the seven eleven, some gatorade caught my eye. (as does the beauty of dew drops or some sutpid shit like that...) i go, "dude! andre!!! RAW!!!" and hold up the bottle... upon which andre politely replied "hey i think that says rain." so i go... "###&$#*&###!!!!" the cashier was not amused.

heres the bottle... its the first one on the left so you can totally understand why i thought it was RAW.

anyway yeh... thus was born our designs for awesome gatorade ad campaigns where that all consist of someone seeing the bottle, getting so pumped they intentionally do great bodily harm to themselves or others, and then scream "RAW!" then someone points out that is doesnt say "raw," but instead says "rain." and then they go "###@beep$*##!!!!" and cut.

heres an example. me and andre driving to cville and i pick up the bottle and go "DUDE!" upon which andre sees the bottle, intentionally crashes the car into a tree and yells "RAW!!!" the a cop comes and points out the rain thing and we both go "#($&beep*##!!!!"

another example. typical suburban neighbor looks over the fence at a middle aged balding guy whos pouring gatorade raw on the hood of his car and goes "hey bill... watcha doin?" bill goes "oh you know... making some modifications to my car... you know... making it faster and all." upon which neighbor points out that its just gatorade... so bill looks at the bottle, chucks it as hard as he can at pummels neighbor in the face and screams "RAW!!!!!" and gets in his car and speeds away.

ok yeh. so i have over 300 pages of a reading nightly for this nation building in iraq class im taking. its pretty awesome... but i get no sleep. grmph. ok i hate you.

oh and now i have been chased by helicopter, plane, atv, foot, bike, car. i only now need boat and horse. this is just like the checking off state license plates game except that its state vehicles... and im not four... ok. i. hate. you. love. fuck... ... ...