Wednesday, March 14, 2007


so i went to phoenix and la! it was saucy. i got free dental work and new lease on valhalla.

airplanes are fun. and so is the spanish civil war if youre a warrior spirit. man your battlestations! (well have you dead pretty soon.) but youll die strong, in right wing fashion.

speaking of fashion, ive officially decided im at the center of every trend ever in the universe ever. those big butt things on victorian bitches? yeh that was me. i started doing it for my posture and it just blossomed from there.

heres another thing. im competent! in a nice life, put the spider in you. you live a nice life with the spider in you. arachnophobia! disregard that you live a nice life with the spider in you.

hey guys... want to see my colon?



speaking of perversion, you know whats fucked up? salmonilla poisoning. heres what i think of when i hear the word salmonilla.

(.. )<

be strong! in right wing fashion! you fascist.

ok heres a plan...

1. eat the graham crackers.
2. vomit.
3. regret everything.
4. celebrate your humanity by clinging to the fuselage while singing madonna.
5. repeat.

did you know that once i had a cd made for me called "inspirational hymns to get the fuck over yourself"? it was nice, but i didnt get over shit. nor do i really know what im supposed to get over. (just kidding... i know.)

so heres a dilemma... so lets assume that value can be objectively measured... not that anyone can ever actually account for all the factors but they are out there. like if you were a god and somehow could account for every factor, you would be able to always order your preferences from best to worst based on cost benefit payoff shit, (to include expected value based on risk). now should pleasure be a factor in the value or not? like what if you know something is the best value, like flying a plane instead of a car... but you just dont like it. lets say its for images sake, you just think cars are so much cooler, not for any rational reason. or maybe its a fear of flying. irrational again, you know the probability of harm is higher driving than flying. but youre scared anyway and thus will be super miserable flying... so yeh... whats the "right" thing to do? when talking about objective values, are irrational emotions allowed in the account?

given all that, so maybe just maybe my wierdnesses that maybe i should get over are things i dont want to change just because i think theyre kind of cool, irrationally so. but no one has been able to argue me to a corner to convince me of that. (the people who say it are usually not the argumentative types.) anyway im on plane and i like how the world actually looks pretty fucking organized from up here.

heres the deal... the first step to solving a problem is admitting you have one... but what if i like this? i mean... its efficient and fun. (which we all know are mutually exclusive.)

so i think i accidentally convinced someone that i really believe efficiency and fun are mutually exclusive. apparently they didnt know me well enough to tell if i was joking or not.

lets fix this...

for illustrative purposes here are some things that are indeed mutually exclusive...

1. paul hiatt and gorillas. not to be confused with the gorilla banana theft scene in "under no circumstances: the paul hiatt saga."
2. autobiographies and coolness. if you were cool enough, someone else wouldve written shit about you. so fuck you.
3. salmon and dinosaurs. if the two were meant to live together, god wouldve put them together. you know, because god controls everything... right?... ... ... wow for a second there i felt my entire universe collapsing under a terrible weight. but i said a prayer and i feel better now.
4. how many licks does it take to get to the center of a tootsie pop? i think that pretty much just abrubtly ended this list/tangent because i realized explaining myself is worthless. (you know... hitler said the same thing.)

so heres an idea. back in the day i used to write a lot of psychobabble (ill post one for you later). im pretty sure i could write a hundred or more pages of rambling muses that would contain a lot of comedic gems, the only problem is, am i the only one that finds them funny? whatever. im going to write a book. if you dont like it, ill pee on you and maybe get a little on myself in the process. man i really want to pee on someone right now... sigh... (lovestruck.)

ok its over. go away.


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